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BearAuthor
29 Jul
How do you all deal with being a step dad? Hello, dear friends. I'm a 36 year old male and I've been dating a 35 year old female, who has spoiled 5 year old brat. We have been seeing each other for 7 months now, and to be honest, I'm getting really pissed off that my gfd doesn't do anything to discipline her daughter even though I told her that I don't approve her child's behavior. I really love and care about my gfd, but she thinks that her daughter deserves utmost love and care since she has no father(he left them when she was 3 months old). Now I'm not going into details about the child's behavior, but I can tell that any men would have disciplined her, but I can't due to the fact that I care about my gfd. Does anyone have similar issues?
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Tropical FishHelper
29 Jul
I don’t have such an issue. I’ll try to view it as a separated dad of a 5yo daughter . Her mum and grandparents spoil her. Today my daughter, after 3 days beach holiday, started crying asking to return to her mum rather than staying with me for another 2 days as the court hearing allows me to do. Her mum is an only child, spoiled as well, disrespecting people a lot. I tried gently using logic and good reasons to show to my daughter that we can have good time in my place. She was stubborn thought today - it was like backstabbing- we had agreed yesterday the plan, that it’s not right being with dad only when he pays for beach holidays and swimming pool. I would try talking gently to the child, promote your values , hold the boundaries, don’t let issues get under your skin. If boundaries are crossed then you need to talk to your gf. You could also talk to a child psychologist, that’s what I have been doing at least twice per month usually
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Tropical FishHelper
29 Jul
There is a pretty good book: the book you wish you parents had read. Worth a read
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ChipmunkHelper
29 Jul
Um can I say something as coming from someone in her position and now almost time for to parent myself… um I don’t really want to offend you?? (Tho I don’t know how to say otherwise)) you referring to her as a brat is probably not the best idea to start (at that age she’s going to be able to feel// or soon figure out that energy that you are giving off)) but you have to take into consideration that her mother is kinda like “hers” first and you are going to be the one who should patiently ((and yes I know sometimes we try to test)) but really I think that if you are able to form more of a positive/ patient and accepting relationship with her that both you’ll be able to help guide her actions// she’ll be less likely to react against you because she won’t be looking at you as someone against her ((ie you’re on her team as well/ as you are/ both/ with her mom not you like taking her away)) I don’t know if I made sense there I really hope I did but just coming from that girl now grown up please find it important to make some kind of relationship// team as it is best for everyone in the family
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OwlHelper
30 Jul
I agree with Miss Amanda. And, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t even attempt to parent the child unless I’ve been with the mother a loooong time and even married. Otherwise, that’s your girlfriend. You have say over your gf and your relationship. But when it comes time for the kid, and your gf is being a mom, I think it’s best to just be a spectator. Unless you get married one day and it’s a different situation. Also, I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the kid is a monster. But if she’s just a kid, you have to be patient, man. Kids don’t know anything. Their brains are forming all the time. You just have to let the mom deal, I think. Just cause the kid is kinda bad today, doesn’t mean it’ll always be. I was a horrendous kid and I grew up to be a good, responsible, man. I have my troubles, like everyone, but it all changed. Maybe your first point of order is to get close to the kid. Once the kid likes you and respects you, then you can gently push them towards whatever way you want them to go. Just my thoughts.
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OwlHelper
3 Aug
I just realized your name is Jeremy Lin. Is that your real name? And/or are you the real Jeremy Lin of Linsanity? Lol
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BearAuthor
3 Aug
That's my real name. Unfortunately, I'm not the pro basketball player. 😉
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