Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Hello and welcome!
69 Replies
Reply
Show previous replies
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
We are just returning to working on campus after being online since March 20! Quite the adjustment!!! Transitions!!!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
And I was thinking of how we are going through transitions all the time in our lives – endings new beginnings and then in between phase when we don’t know what the Hecks going on!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Is there anybody here familiar with William Bridges work on transitions?
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
No, I’m not familiar with this
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Lol, maybe the better question is anybody here?
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I’m here
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I apologize once again for changing the time this week. I work on call at the college, and haven’t worked Fridays before, As the course I am involved with doesn’t go on Fridays.! However, I had prep work to do last Friday for Tuesday start, and a course to take today
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Anyway, back to transitions! I thought of bridges work, as we are all transitioning into a different way of being with the pandemic. In some ways we’ve returned to a more normal life, and in other ways it’s vastly different
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Bridges talks of three different phases of transition Dash phase 1 is the endings, what is being left behind; phase 2 is the middle place, which is often about coping with what is! And phase three is the new beginnings.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Transitions happen all the time, such as transitioning from working full-time to retirement; or a Relationship ending
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Hi Bakker! Welcome! How are you this evening?
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
Tired, been a busy week and too hot to sleep
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Becca! Lol, I keep forgetting to check before I send and for some reason it always says Bakker for your name rather than Becca!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
So when we’re going through phase 1, the endings often times the motions experience to our anger, frustration, anxiety, disappointment, panic, overwhelm.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
And sometimes it’s excitement, curiosity, relief, connection or feeling connected, confusion, or sadness.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I hope it’s been a real positive busy! Are you experiencing a heatwave there?
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
Yes, unexpected heatwave. Usually getting cooler by now
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Call Kim really quickly here a couple of weeks ago, which is early
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Lol that was fall came
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I have something ending and I feel lost, alienated, hopeless etc
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Yes, and those are all emotions that are normal. It’s really important to be gentle with yourself and compassionate during these times.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
talking to someone who has also experienced what you’re going through and survived is extremely beneficial
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
Seems difficult to find that
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I find journalling one of the best ways to cope with endings.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
And sometimes it’s creating a ritual that works really well, so really marking the ending with a real ritual.
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
What about when it’s something that meant everything to you and the loss is devastating?
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Even if you had to do a Google search to find someone to listen to on YouTube for instance would be helpful. There is real power and seeing how others have survived and thrived! There are so many different groups on this site here wisdom, that I’m sure there’s someone who’s been where you are and would love to help! Sure point
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I find it tough to find understanding people on here, as they just do the reactions on posts, rather than reply
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Big hugs to you Becca! The big thing is to acknowledge that you’re grieving, and to share that with those around you so they understand what’s going on.
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I don’t have understanding people around me, so I just try to pretend nothing happened
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
You might want to check out Tara Brach. She created a technique calledRAIN.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
R stands for recognized what is going on, A for allow the experience to be there just as it is, I is investigate with interest and care, and N is to nurture with self compassion.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I just pulled up the technique on the Internet. Here is her definition of each: recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that are affecting you. This can be done with a simple mental whisper noting what you were most aware of.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations you have recognize simply be there, without trying to fix or avoid anything. You might recognize Fear, and allow by mentally whispering it’s OK for this belongs or yes. Allowing creates a pause that makes it possible to deepen attention.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
To investigate, call on your natural curiosity – the desire to know truth – and direct and more focussed attention to your present experience. You might ask yourself a question such as what most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need?
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
This seems really difficult to do
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Finally in. South compassion begins to naturally arise in the moments that you recognize you were suffering it comes into fulness issue intentionally nurture your inner life with self care to do this, try to sense what the wounded frightened or hurting place inside your most needs and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need. Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of compassion? Of love? Experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften or open your heart it might be the mental whisper, I’m here with you. I’m sorry and I love you. I love you and I’m listening. It’s not Your fault. Trust in the goodness.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
In addition to it whispered message of care, many people find healing by gently placing a hand on the harder cheek or by envisioning being bathed in an embrace by warm radiant light. If it feels difficult to offer yourself love, bring to mind loving being Dash spiritual figure, family member, friend or pet – and imagine that beings love and Wisdom flowing into you
1
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Yes, it can be difficult at first, as you’re learning something new. And like anything, with practice it becomes easier and easier, until it’s just a way of being.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
The whole thing really Becca is just to be gentle and compassionate with yourself and not beat yourself up for the way you are feeling. Figure out what self-care you can do to help you through this time. Check in with yourself each time you’re feeling down and see what it is that would help you in this moment.
Reply
🍿
Popcorn
10 Sep
If you learn to get out of yourself and look for other what they might need for help and love by this way you can add a strong meaning for your life
1
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
That’s the problem I currently have, I’m too busy thinking about what someone else may be going through
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
If we want a different result, we need to do something differently than we have in the past. So whether it’s doing this rain technique or writing down your Some feelings about what’s going on, taking them outside, and burying them in the earth - whatever it is that feels would help heal.
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I’m not sure what would help at the moment. I’ve lost something that made life feel meaningful for the first time
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Thats true Bishoy! And welcome! One of the things Becca then I think it’s really important to get clear on is what is within your control and what is outside of your control.
1
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
How someone else is thinking or feeling is not in your control. So leave it to them! What is in your control is you! How are you treat yourself and others physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I remember many many years ago going to a workshop. It was Terry Cole Whitaker and she had written a book called what others think of me is none of my business.
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I’ve heard of that saying before
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I am sorry for your loss. I hear you, you are deep in grief. Sometimes it’s remembering mantra, like this too shall pass. Or the serenity prayer. Knowing that this is the phase of endings, and taking care of youYourself is critical. And that one day you’ll be in the messy middle phase and then onto new beginnings!!!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Becca, I think what was shy is saying really could support you in a wonderful way. Rather than focussing on the other person, How it’s impacting them, look for someone else that you could support in someway. For instance, sweeping off the walkway for an elderly person. Or helping someone across the street. When we do a gift of service for others, it helps us as much or more than it does them!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
One of the most profound learnings I have had so far in my life is when I really understood that nothing has meaning except for the meaning I give it. So, if I make the end of a relationship for instance mean that there is nothing meaningful in my life, it is me who made that up! That frees me up to look at other perspectives and possibilities. I am the one who decides what I believe is true and what is not. I am the one who decides whether something is incredibly meaningful or has no credence.
1
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
I make up the whole story about my life! And I can change the way it looks in any moment!
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
That’s what I struggle with - which changes to make
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
So maybe it’s just looking at one tiny change that you can make. So, instead of thinking things through in your mind, writing them out onto paper for example
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I keep debating whether to cut my hours at work, but as I’m alone in the world, it could lead to more problems
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Or maybe it’s looking at your strengths!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
What are your strengths? And how can you use them to help you through this situation
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I’m not sure right now. I’ve been struggling with that for months
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
There is a very cool assessment that you can take for free. It’s called the VIA strength indicator. You can find it at viacharacter.org
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
It’s a fun assessment that helps you see what your strengths are right now. Then, you can use them to help you through this
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
It really is a very good tool. I highly recommend it to most people I coach! They can then use their character strengths when they’re trying to make a decision, or not sure which way to go
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
I’ll try it
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Great! I look forward to hearing your results if you feel like sharing!
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
AlRighty then, here we are at the end of the hour! Any last questions or comments before we close
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
Are you back at work now Becca?
Reply
🦊
Fox
10 Sep
No, three weeks away
Reply
Norma Reid
AuthorMentor
10 Sep
OK well I will close this off for today. Next week I will be out of town at a four-day workshop, so I will see you the following Friday, back at 10:30 AM PST. Enjoy this day! Cheers to a happy, healthy, worthy, wealthy life!
Reply
Want to see more replies?
Wisdo is a mentoring community that cares. Sign in to connect to peers and mentors who will urge you on!