Hello and welcome!
We are just returning to working on campus after being online since March 20! Quite the adjustment!!! Transitions!!!
And I was thinking of how we are going through transitions all the time in our lives – endings new beginnings and then in between phase when we don’t know what the Hecks going on!
Is there anybody here familiar with William Bridges work on transitions?
No, I’m not familiar with this
Lol, maybe the better question is anybody here?
I apologize once again for changing the time this week. I work on call at the college, and haven’t worked Fridays before, As the course I am involved with doesn’t go on Fridays.! However, I had prep work to do last Friday for Tuesday start, and a course to take today
Anyway, back to transitions! I thought of bridges work, as we are all transitioning into a different way of being with the pandemic. In some ways we’ve returned to a more normal life, and in other ways it’s vastly different
Bridges talks of three different phases of transition Dash phase 1 is the endings, what is being left behind; phase 2 is the middle place, which is often about coping with what is! And phase three is the new beginnings.
Transitions happen all the time, such as transitioning from working full-time to retirement; or a Relationship ending
Hi Bakker! Welcome! How are you this evening?
Tired, been a busy week and too hot to sleep
Becca! Lol, I keep forgetting to check before I send and for some reason it always says Bakker for your name rather than Becca!
So when we’re going through phase 1, the endings often times the motions experience to our anger, frustration, anxiety, disappointment, panic, overwhelm.
And sometimes it’s excitement, curiosity, relief, connection or feeling connected, confusion, or sadness.
I hope it’s been a real positive busy! Are you experiencing a heatwave there?
Yes, unexpected heatwave. Usually getting cooler by now
Call Kim really quickly here a couple of weeks ago, which is early
Lol that was fall came
I have something ending and I feel lost, alienated, hopeless etc
Yes, and those are all emotions that are normal. It’s really important to be gentle with yourself and compassionate during these times.
talking to someone who has also experienced what you’re going through and survived is extremely beneficial
Seems difficult to find that
I find journalling one of the best ways to cope with endings.
And sometimes it’s creating a ritual that works really well, so really marking the ending with a real ritual.
What about when it’s something that meant everything to you and the loss is devastating?
Even if you had to do a Google search to find someone to listen to on YouTube for instance would be helpful. There is real power and seeing how others have survived and thrived! There are so many different groups on this site here wisdom, that I’m sure there’s someone who’s been where you are and would love to help! Sure point
I find it tough to find understanding people on here, as they just do the reactions on posts, rather than reply
Big hugs to you Becca! The big thing is to acknowledge that you’re grieving, and to share that with those around you so they understand what’s going on.
I don’t have understanding people around me, so I just try to pretend nothing happened
You might want to check out Tara Brach. She created a technique calledRAIN.
R stands for recognized what is going on, A for allow the experience to be there just as it is, I is investigate with interest and care, and N is to nurture with self compassion.
I just pulled up the technique on the Internet. Here is her definition of each: recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that are affecting you. This can be done with a simple mental whisper noting what you were most aware of.
Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations you have recognize simply be there, without trying to fix or avoid anything. You might recognize Fear, and allow by mentally whispering it’s OK for this belongs or yes. Allowing creates a pause that makes it possible to deepen attention.
To investigate, call on your natural curiosity – the desire to know truth – and direct and more focussed attention to your present experience. You might ask yourself a question such as what most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need?
This seems really difficult to do
Finally in. South compassion begins to naturally arise in the moments that you recognize you were suffering it comes into fulness issue intentionally nurture your inner life with self care to do this, try to sense what the wounded frightened or hurting place inside your most needs and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need. Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of compassion? Of love? Experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften or open your heart it might be the mental whisper, I’m here with you. I’m sorry and I love you. I love you and I’m listening. It’s not Your fault. Trust in the goodness.
In addition to it whispered message of care, many people find healing by gently placing a hand on the harder cheek or by envisioning being bathed in an embrace by warm radiant light. If it feels difficult to offer yourself love, bring to mind loving being Dash spiritual figure, family member, friend or pet – and imagine that beings love and Wisdom flowing into you
Yes, it can be difficult at first, as you’re learning something new. And like anything, with practice it becomes easier and easier, until it’s just a way of being.
The whole thing really Becca is just to be gentle and compassionate with yourself and not beat yourself up for the way you are feeling. Figure out what self-care you can do to help you through this time. Check in with yourself each time you’re feeling down and see what it is that would help you in this moment.
If you learn to get out of yourself and look for other what they might need for help and love by this way you can add a strong meaning for your life
That’s the problem I currently have, I’m too busy thinking about what someone else may be going through
If we want a different result, we need to do something differently than we have in the past. So whether it’s doing this rain technique or writing down your Some feelings about what’s going on, taking them outside, and burying them in the earth - whatever it is that feels would help heal.
I’m not sure what would help at the moment. I’ve lost something that made life feel meaningful for the first time
Thats true Bishoy! And welcome! One of the things Becca then I think it’s really important to get clear on is what is within your control and what is outside of your control.
How someone else is thinking or feeling is not in your control. So leave it to them! What is in your control is you! How are you treat yourself and others physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
I remember many many years ago going to a workshop. It was Terry Cole Whitaker and she had written a book called what others think of me is none of my business.
I’ve heard of that saying before
I am sorry for your loss. I hear you, you are deep in grief. Sometimes it’s remembering mantra, like this too shall pass. Or the serenity prayer. Knowing that this is the phase of endings, and taking care of youYourself is critical. And that one day you’ll be in the messy middle phase and then onto new beginnings!!!
Becca, I think what was shy is saying really could support you in a wonderful way. Rather than focussing on the other person, How it’s impacting them, look for someone else that you could support in someway. For instance, sweeping off the walkway for an elderly person. Or helping someone across the street. When we do a gift of service for others, it helps us as much or more than it does them!
One of the most profound learnings I have had so far in my life is when I really understood that nothing has meaning except for the meaning I give it. So, if I make the end of a relationship for instance mean that there is nothing meaningful in my life, it is me who made that up! That frees me up to look at other perspectives and possibilities. I am the one who decides what I believe is true and what is not. I am the one who decides whether something is incredibly meaningful or has no credence.
I make up the whole story about my life! And I can change the way it looks in any moment!
That’s what I struggle with - which changes to make
So maybe it’s just looking at one tiny change that you can make. So, instead of thinking things through in your mind, writing them out onto paper for example
I keep debating whether to cut my hours at work, but as I’m alone in the world, it could lead to more problems
Or maybe it’s looking at your strengths!
What are your strengths? And how can you use them to help you through this situation
I’m not sure right now. I’ve been struggling with that for months
It’s a fun assessment that helps you see what your strengths are right now. Then, you can use them to help you through this
It really is a very good tool. I highly recommend it to most people I coach! They can then use their character strengths when they’re trying to make a decision, or not sure which way to go
I’ll try it
Great! I look forward to hearing your results if you feel like sharing!
AlRighty then, here we are at the end of the hour! Any last questions or comments before we close
Are you back at work now Becca?
No, three weeks away
OK well I will close this off for today. Next week I will be out of town at a four-day workshop, so I will see you the following Friday, back at 10:30 AM PST. Enjoy this day! Cheers to a happy, healthy, worthy, wealthy life!