Hello, and welcome to happy healthy worthy wealthy Refirement!
Hi Becca! Welcome back, great to see you!
That’s great Becca, congratulations 🥳 for showing up more!!!
I’m trying it in all aspects of life, as I’ve realised I’m happier when I’m not keeping to myself
For me, I believe inner peace is the ultimate goal! When Were feeling calm within the whole world is so much better, yes?
That is absolutely beautiful Becca! Showing up and being who we are is the key to living a happy, healthy, worthy, wealthy life. We each are unique individuals, with her own take on the world, and when we contribute to others, we make the world a much brighter place
I miss contributing to others - I’m trying to implement changes to get back to being me
So let’s explore some ways to become a calmer person!
Ah! Shall we take a minute to explore what making a ‘contribution to others’ means?
I think for many of us, we put pressure on ourselves because we think we’re not contributing enough. Yet, I believe we contribute at the amount we can contribute at the time. It’s that judge in our head, telling us that we’re not contributing enough, that adds to the inner turmoil, rather than inner peace.
I have that A LOT. It’s expectations of where you should be, rather than enjoying where you are in life
Yes, that’s exactly it!!! That shooting on ourselves! LOL I said shoulding but auto correct put it as shooting, which also makes sense!
So, when you hear that voice of the judge in your head, telling you you should be doing more, you should be contributing more etc. etc., what could you tell yourself instead that would bring you back to a place of peace?
I try to remind myself that even small steps in the right direction are keeping me moving forward
Yes, an affirmation works! Another one, might be, ‘ I choose to let go of judgment. Who I am and what I do is more than enough!’ I am perfect, whole, and complete just as I am!’
I find that one difficult as I’m not happy with who I am right now, but I’m working on it
So, I hear you judging yourself as not being enough right now?
Yes, I do that a lot. People treat me that way, too
Using an affirmation that is believable to you is important that’s for sure! So, it might be adding on ‘ I choose to be happy with who I am in this moment!’
It’s finding out what works for you, and what makes you feel better!
An exercise that works really well, is to do some deep breathing, focussing on your breath, breathing in and out. Do that a few times, and then feel what you feel when you think that- where does it feel in your body? Then hug that part, accept it, and continue focusing on your breath.
By hugging it, I mean hug it from the inside, with the energy of the breath. Imagine the breath coming in through the top of your head and flowing down and out through the bottom of your feet. On its way travelling down the body, it hugs the area that hurts and then continues on down. Next when you breathe then you breathe in with your focus onYour feet, travelling up through your body and out through the crown of your head, once again hugging the part that hurts in your body when you think that.
Visualizations work well!
I feel like I’m always worrying, and that’s something I want to stop doing
I believe the way we feel about ourself colours the way we see the world. So when we feel we’re not enough, we see that others think that too.
I agree with that. Sometimes others intentionally show they don’t think much of you though
And that’s all about them, not about you!
Yes, worry is a bad habit, and, like all habits, we can change it with practice!
I remember years ago, going to hear Teri cole Whitaker speak, and her topic was ‘what others think of me is none of my business!’ That was like a lightning strike to me, as until that point In my life, I cared deeply about what others thought of me
As I became more authentic, more real, I realized that as long as I’m coming from a place of good intention, and trying to understand the other persons point of view, being the best me I can be, it really doesn’t matter what others think of me.
So, let’s get back to some ways to Practice calmness rather than worry!
The first step to change is always awareness, so when you find yourself worrying, just being aware that that is what you’re doing is a great thing! Sounds like you’re already there!
Sometimes it’s great to put on a guided meditation and calm ourselves with that.
Lately I feel like I have to justify myself to people at work who keep judging me, and I don’t like doing that
So, are you worried about losing your job if you don’t justify yourself?
In one respect I was, but I had a meeting for that last week. My colleagues are talking down to me as I’m going to take some leave to focus on myself, and I feel like I owe them an explanation to stop them judging me
Tried joining but link not working
Hi Mary! Welcome!!! Great to see you here!
Sorry Becca, I can only see part of your comment.
I can’t seem to past going to take
Take leave to focus on myself, and they make me feel like I have to keep explaining myself to stop them judging me
Congratulations for making the decision to take a leave and work on yourself! What if you just stopped trying to explain yourself?
They make horrible comments and then I feel I have to defend myself
All you really need to say is I am taking time off for personal reasons. Or health reasons.
Yes, and it becomes a vicious circle doesn’t it? We feel we have to defend ourselves so we get defensive and try to explain and it just continues on and on a vicious circle!
And those who judge don’t really want to hear the defence, either
So sometimes, rather than doing that rather than trying to defend yourself, try to see what’s behind there question or comment. Then ask them what it is. Or saying ‘I feel like i need to defend myself. What I’d really like is your support or understanding or whatever it is.
Recently I said “I don’t appreciate being judged” but it didn’t help. The guy thinks he knows better than my doctor
No, they don’t want to hear that defence, you are absolutely right!
Have you ever heard of nonviolent communication? By Marshall Rosenberg?
No, but it sounds very relevant to this situation
There are many many videos of his videos on YouTube. He died a few years ago. And he has a book by the same name.
You might find the book an interesting read!
I’ll see if I can find it
Mary, this is a text group talk. Were you thinking it was zoom?
Yes now that i know i will be there
I think I’ll have to start doing zoom chats rather than text! When I started here it was door, it was all by text! I haven’t switched over yet, and I’m thinking it’s time to do so!
I haven’t got zoom, I don’t like video chats
Great Becca, It’s a great read!
Yes, there’s that too Becca!
OK, so today we talked about breathwork, meditation, visualization, affirmations, non-judgment as some tools to help create more inner calmI think a big one fmis to get out in nature. When you get that worry stuff going on just put on your shoes and go for a walk around the block. Focus on what’s around you, rather than what’s going on in you head!
I try, but can be difficult around my work pattern. It holds me back!
Lots of different techniques and were out of time!
Thanks so so much for joining me today! I hope you found this beneficial, and have some new ideas of what to do
I remember something my mom always used to say, worry is like a rocking chair – it keeps you busy but you go nowhere!
Sometimes - other times it makes me act
Create an incredible week, filled with happiness, great health, worth and wealth! Hope to see you next week!
Lol true Becca! Sometimes there’s a gentler way to get ourselves into motion rather than worrying!
Chow for now!