Hey everyone, So, I need some help and or advice. To give you a little bit of an origin story, I met this girl 3 months ago on Facebook Dating. Well, we get to talking and she tells me that she has a 6 year old daughter and is separated from and in the process of divorcing her husband, but still lives with him. I told her about my DUI and that I’m unemployed and living with my parents because I moved back to my home state right before the pandemic hit. We were completely understanding about each other’s situation and decided to wait until both of our situations improved before physically meeting each other. Now overtime realizing how incredibly fantastic she is, we developed a relationship, and that’s when my insecurities start to set in that are caused from past failed relationships. So randomly I would joke about her cheating on me with some other guy and only caused an uproar once or twice before the damaging situation occurred. So now for the backstory factors, she’s a lab tech at a hospital, so she knows a fair amount of medical stuff…I, on the other hand, am as dumb as a doorknob when it comes to things of that nature. Well, she’s been dealing with A LOT these last few weeks with working overtime, trying to find a place so she can move out and away from her ex-husband, having a migraine for the past week, and her best friend’s medical issues. So yesterday, we barely talked and like an insecure child, I checked her Facebook. Turns out, she was sharing posts, instead of talking to me. Except, she did tell me that she was going to try and get some sleep before her kid wakes up because she has to watch her. That’s when I just blew my lid and said “Oh I see how it is, you’d rather talk to your other (f-word)ing dudes than me” and that caused an entire issue. Well later on, she told me that she has to process wether her feelings for me are worth keeping me around because she’s been through the whole constantly getting accused of cheating from her first marriage and that the migraine is what’s keeping her from communicating with me because she’s sensitive to blue light. So my question is, how do I prove to her that being with me is the right decision, that I truly am sorry, that she has all my trust, and that this will never become an issue again? Thanks in advance!
The best thing to do is give space... If you try hard to fix things and seem desperate it might not work. It's probably a good time to develop your self-esteem and self confidence. Maybe next time, if you feel insecure, try to make a joke of it and keep it light. Being light is important. That's just my opinion. It sounds like she has a lot going on as well, so if you give space it will show that you respect her. When she does want to talk again maybe about this, then you can tell her you are sorry and that you do trust her, it's your past etc.
Well, that’s the first thing I did was apologize and promised her that she has all my trust, but she still would rather post on social media than to talk to me. Like last night, she texted me saying that it was her mother’s birthday and she was spending the evening there. I texted back that she didn’t have to tell me. She messages me back, “I know that I don’t.” I told her that it was appreciated that she did tell me and it was a great way to communicate and also complimented her. And I still haven’t heard from her, but she has posted on Facebook. So now my insecurities are starting to wonder…was it REALLY her mom’s birthday and did she REALLY spend it over there or was she REALLY on a date and cheated on me
I do this kinda similar thing ((I am possible borderline which tbh is a long list )) anyway I can do this similar thing to my mans and we are long distance and tho my phone is always on and in my hand it’s not a personal thing to him at all that I kinda go MIA for awhile and especially the migraine thing as I have undiagnosed chronic migraine I sometimes like physically can not talk to someone, yes I would be ‘watching’ something or whatever on my phone but it’s not the same as example I can use that noise to block the pain yet it’s not overwhelming my brain or making me think which is stressing me out too much because then that usually has me going and shutting me down more which ironically makes that wedge of us worse and completing the circle and waiting to go around again. I found that though it is hard for him AND I both as we are a team (as my man has adhd and used to get upset at me as well thinking I was shady) but honestly I think it’s the trying to understand as communication is important but sometimes understandably hard and I think it just takes a lot of that understanding and patience because if you really care then it will be worth it// make it worth the time you do get and just good luck to you both
Also I hope I wrote this in a way that is at least somewhat makes sense