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Shelley DCoach
16 Nov
Hello Everyone. My name is Shelley D. I am a Personal Skills Coach with 8 years experience. I am so happy to be a part of Wisdo and this joyful retirement group. I have been coaching clients with retirement goals that included, loneliness, relationships, volunteering, and health issues, among others. I also have experience helping clients of all ages with communication, relationships, boundaries, goal setting, developing habits, and self confidence and careers. In addition to my coach certification I also have certifications as a mentor and mediator and I have a BA degree in communication. My plans for this group are to take lt wherever you want it to go. It is important, I think, to find joy in each day, I hope we can share how we are finding joy, especially now, during this pandemic. I also hope we can also share any roadblocks that we might be having. If one person is having a difficulty, odds are that someone else is having or has had something similar happen. That’s the beauty of Wisdo you are not alone, ever. Even when it’s the middle of the night in NewYork our Wisdo friends in London are having their morning tea. Many of you are new to Wisdo and perhaps new to the whole idea of this kind of communication. I too am new but I kind of jumped in and I have met so many wonderful people. Everyone is welcome, contribute if you want, ask a question, make a comment on someone’s post, or the just hang back and see how it’s done. You are all welcome and tell the friends you meet we will be meeting here every Monday and they are certainly welcome to join us. Bring your joy! One last thing, if there are additional things you would like to discuss goal setting, purpose, problem solving with me privately, you can click below on “ book a private session “ and it will take you to my calendar. So let’s get started Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. – How do you spend your days? Is it bringing you joy?
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Shelley DCoach
23 Nov
Good Morning. Welcome to Joyful retirement
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Shelley DCoach
30 Nov
Hello. Good Morning and welcome yo Joyful Retirement ! Last week I was able to sit in on a live presentation with Dr. Gill. We were talking about setting goals for retirement and it was a great lead in to this week here at Joyful Retirement as I wanted to talk about something that comes up all the time when I Coach new or about to be new retirees. “So now that you are retired what ya gonna do?” Sound familiar? If you have an answer then maybe you have done some planning. Maybe you have an answer but you didn’t really do any planning. Your have worked a long time to get to retirement. Now what. Well the truth is retirement is not really a destination, it’s another journey. To make this the best journey you can you need a plan. To make that plan you need to think about what you want or simply what are your priorities retirement. Is this something you have considered?
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Shelley DCoach
7 Dec
Hello all it is 9 Am in Texas I am fairly new to being on Wisdo, but I kind of jumped in and I have met so many wonderful people. Everyone is welcome, contribute if you want, ask a question, make a comment on someone’s post, or the just hang back and see how it’s done. You are all welcome and tell the friends you meet we will be meeting here every Monday and they are certainly welcome to join us. One last thing, if there are additional things you would like to discuss goal setting, purpose, problem solving with me privately, you can click below on “ book a private session “ and it will connect you. Ok let’s get started. When I retired I was unhappy for the fist 4 or 5 months. I missed working and I spent a lot of time reaching out to my old coworkers. My life had changed, I was not working, but I wasn’t doing much of anything else either. Even though we are never free from change, we are always free to decide what to do about it. I decided to talk to s few people who had retired and seemed to be doing well. I learned some very good tips on dealing with the change retirement had brought. The best advice was to Make a plan and to be adaptable. If plan A doesn’t work bring out plan B. I began to think about the things that I could do now that I was retired. I made a plan, and one successful activity led to the next and next. Make a plan, set a goal, set a goal plan some steps to get there. Change is inevitable. What are your go to solutions or ideas.
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Shelley DCoach
14 Dec
Several people have contacted me asking about handling stress and keeping the joy in Christmas. My first thought was that it sounds like a tall order, but if we approach this like anything else it should be doable. Priorities. So many times we get the ideal Christmas picture in our mind and over commit, when we can’t do it all make it all or buy it all guilt sets in. Let begin with priorities. What are your real priorities for this Christmas. Are they realistic? Do they include some time for you ?
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Shelley DCoach
21 Dec
Good Morning all I hope this finds you well and having a good day. Once again I’ve had some questions this week about trying to find joy and have less stress during this pandemic especially this month when so many of us will not be doing our usual holiday activities. There is no doubt holidays won’t be the same for most, but can we find some joy and a way to limit stress. As always I say set a goal, make a plan take some steps. My goal is to stay in the present. I like taking life one day at a time because for me difficult periods can seem at least manageable and I can keep stress from overwhelming me when I don’t get washed in worry about all of that unknown lurking stuff. I focus on anything that can bring joy. A funny video. playing Christmas music, watching movies, making a list of friends to call each day, I exercise in the fresh air, because for me, doing something positive or fulfilling makes finding joy a real part of my day and if I’m only dealing with now the stress level is ok. How are you finding joy? How do you dissipate stress?
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Shelley DCoach
28 Dec
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Shelley DCoach
4 Jan
I want to close out the hour with this quote. As a life Coach, one of the things I do with my clients is to celebrate their wins. Large or small a step forward is celebrated. Even staying in place Is celebrated. We look ahead to where we are going, but we also acknowledge how far we have come. Every “I can’t do it” is followed by the word YET. I encourage you all to celebrate your wins everyday. You are amazing! Don’t forget If I can help or you would like to talk one on one reach out.
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Shelley DCoach
4 Jan
The New Year is here and we are bombarded with “New Year - New You” everywhere. Maybe you just want to keep being you. Great! Not everyone wants or needs something new. If you are thinking about setting a new goal for yourself, last week we discussed the possibility of making a goal that puts us on a new path, to do new things and say goodbye to old habits, problems, and difficulties. This week we are going to take the first step to making those goals stick. Are you ready to take the first step? Are you planning any charges for the new year? Did you think about priorities and set goals? How did you set these goals? Are they realistic? What steps will you take to be successful ? As we discussed last week it is frustrating to try anything and not succeed. We want to be and strive to be the best person we can be. We hate failure of any kind. It affects our self esteem and can launch us into negative thinking about things that go far beyond our quest for moving ahead. The first step is to make your goal specific. Narrow enough to see a path to succeed and broad enough to encourage your efforts. What SPECIFICALLY do you want to accomplish. “ I want a better job” is not specific enough. “I want a job that pays x and challenges me”. is more specific. Not only do you know what you are aiming for, you will know when you arrive. Can you share some examples of specific goals, not necessarily yours but just share what you think a specific goal would be. We all want to be happier. Our happiness is up to us. Perhaps realizing that we are enough and celebrating who we are will help with happiness Or, If we have decided that we need to change something and we are working on our specific goal, to make sure our goal is achievable we must also be sure it is realistic. I am not saying don’t reach out to grab your dream. I am saying be realistic. If it’s impossible, you have set your self up to fail. If it’s too easy, you will ha ve failed yourself. Remember one step at a time, keep moving forward and build on successes. Please share if you have an example of building on a success, of setting and meeting a realistic goal and then another and another. Transition and change are never easy. If you are making a transition or a change, in addition to making a specific doable change, keep in mind why? Sara L. Dolan, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. Says “when making resolutions, changes, transitions, yes, consider what changes you’d like to make, but also why you want to make them.” What makes you feel committed to reaching your goal? Reminding yourself of the why can help keep you committed. What are your “whys?” These are specific to you. To feel better, to look better, to be healthier, to help people. Your motivations will power you. Would this help you meet your goal.? I want to close out the hour with this Quote. “For once, stop and thank yourself for how far you’ve come. You’ve been trying to make changes in your life and all your effort counts” As a life Coach, one of the things I do with my clients is to celebrate their wins. Large or small a step forward is celebrated. Even staying in place Is celebrated. We look ahead to where we are going, but we also acknowledge how far we have come. Every “I can’t do it” is followed by the word YET. I encourage you all to celebrate your wins everyday. You are amazing! Don’t forget If I can help or you would like to talk one on one reach out.
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Shelley DCoach
11 Jan
Hello Everyone. I’d like to start the new year by introducing myself. My name is Shelley D. I am a Personal Skills Coach with 8 years experience. I am so happy to be a part of Wisdo and this joyful retirement group. I have been coaching clients with retirement goals that included, work, loneliness, relationships, volunteering, and health issues, among others. I also have experience helping clients of all ages with communication, relationships, boundaries, goal setting, developing habits, and self confidence and careers. In addition to my coach certification I also have certifications as a mentor and mediator and I have a BA degree in communication. That’s me how about you? If you are new to Wisdo or perhaps new to the whole idea of this kind of communication, welcome! Please contribute if you want, ask a question, make a comment on someone’s post, or the just hang back and see how it’s done. We will be meeting here every Monday and you are certainly welcome to join us. Anyone want to say Hi and tell us something about yourself?
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Shelley DCoach
18 Jan
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Shelley DCoach
18 Jan
I will be participating in the National Day of Service this morning so I won’t be able to join you. We have been working on Smart Goals so I wanted to leave you this and challenge you to think about what new opportunities have opened up since retirement. Think of your own retirement plan and start working on your Smart Goals. See you next week.
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Shelley DCoach
25 Jan
Hello everyone we have spent the past few weeks discussing goals, and achieving goals after retirement. When I say the word “retirement,” what pops into your mind? Is it a vacation or travel? Is it a golf course with friends? Is it time to read or do “projects”? Maybe relaxing with your grandkids? Whatever it is, I hope it’s a happy image. You’ve probably spent years planning, saving, and making money by working hard in your career. Your job may have been your passion, but now is the time to seek out new opportunities. How do we get to those happy images?
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Shelley DCoach
25 Jan
Next week how Roy plans into action.
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Shelley DCoach
25 Jan
How to put plans into action.
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Shelley DCoach
1 Feb
We were going to discuss action plans today, but several people this week have talked to me about happiness. So let’s take time out to talk about laughter. “You don’t stop laughing because you grow older. You grow older because you stop laughing.” Maurice Chevalier As a life Coach I have always tried to keep humor in all I do and some fun with everyone I Coach. I have a group of friends that have been zooming during this pandemic because at some point every few weeks one of us will reach out saying, “ let’s zoom, I need to laugh.” Studies have shown laughter is good for us. It has been suggested that adults only laugh 12-15 times a day while children laugh from 200-400. The message for those of us in the retirement sphere is: laugh more. Laughter can put a ‘damper on the production of stress hormones’. And it releases endorphins—natural pain killers and mood boosters in the body. It also helps you lose weight. The International Journal of Obesity noted that 15 minutes of laughter burns up to 40 calories. 15 minutes a day for a year—depending on the intensity of the laughter, of course—could add up to weight loss of four pounds. Do you think laughter is important? What do you do to keep joy in your life? What could you do more of? Less of?
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PineappleHelper
1 Feb
Hello, I'm Gwen I'm new to the group. I need to learn how the group works.
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Shelley DCoach
8 Feb
” As you embark on the exciting journey into retirement, you will experience a transition that will be both thrilling and terrifying.” –Olivia Greenwell  One of the hardest transitions for people to make is moving from a life of work to a life of leisure, and choice. Most people are defined by their job. When you meet someone new what is the first question you ask or are asked. “What kind of work do you do?” So you can see the transition is not just retiring from work. It is also transitioning from the work you to the retired you. The transition to retirement is scary for some, for some it is exciting and for others it is difficult. Retirement planning before and after retirement can help you with a path and help with those choices so you can better navigate the new life in front of you it is never too late to set some goals and start planning for a joyful retirement. Are you having or did you have a difficult transition to retirement? Are you finding it hard to be away from work? What are you doing to help with the transition?
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Shelley DCoach
15 Feb
Hello Wisdonians. Last week we started talking about the five stages of retirement. We started with Pre retirement or Gearing up to retire. This week we are talking about the Cheering phase as you first step or transition into retirement. It will help to remember that life has been and continues to be a transition. Retirement is a phase - it is a transition. US census data show there are 47.8 million US citizens age 65 and older, representing 14.9 percent of the total population. According to Gallup’s research, those currently employed project, on average, they’ll retire at age 65 and the average retirement lasts about 18 years. Some people think of the first part of retirement as the honeymoon phase. It might last from a few months to a couple of years. The time when things are new and exciting. Have you experienced this phase? Did you have feelings of excitement, relief, and freedom from the stress and responsibilities of your day-to-day working life. Was there a down side to this phase “Retirement: ma time to enjoy all the things you didn’t have time to do when you worked.” Catherine Pulisfer
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Tropical FishCEO
15 Feb
Hey Everyone. @james-randono just joined the group. Please join me in welcoming them and introducing yourself here!
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Shelley DCoach
22 Feb
Hello Wisdo Friends, Welcome to Joyful Retirement, I am glad you are here. Jump in and participate if you want or just hang back and read along. Let’s get started. We are working on the Stages of Retirement. When you started to consider retirement you probably had lots to consider regarding the transition from work to retirement. Retirement is one of life’s greatest transitions and getting it right is not accidental. Retirees do not adjust all at once to retirement. Instead, retirement happens in stages. We have covered the first two stages of retirement gearing up or pre retirement, and cheering or honeymoon phase. Today we are going to discuss the fearing phase, being afraid you made a mistake by retiring. After the emotional high of retiring and the honeymoon phase is over, many people feel a sense of disappointment as retirement does not meet their expectations. It is not what they thought it would be. Boredom, fear, loneliness, anger, and frustration, are all feelings that can happen during retirement, beginning especially in this phase. People spend so much time looking forward to retirement, and almost always the beginning is great. Once retirement sets in, it can feel less exciting than it was hyped up to be. People often may end up feeling like something is missing in their lives. They are missing purpose. Have you experienced this phase? What did you do? We’re you able to move on or make adjustments?
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Shelley DCoach
1 Mar
Hello wise Wisdo Friends, Welcome. Be sure to jump in and say hello, make a comment or send me a heart if you find something you like. Always glad to hear from you. The number of Americans retiring daily has nearly doubled since the year 2000. Currently, roughly 10,000 people turn 65 each day, the standard age for retirement, according to a Deutsche Bank note published Tuesday. And according to Census forecasts, that number is set to rise. It will reach nearly 12,000 people within the next 10 years. By 2030, according to the Census Bureau, all baby boomers will be older than 65. In less then 10 years there will be more people over 65 then under 18. These statistics are having an impact on many aspects of life. There is a growing need for orthopedic professionals, care facilities, and housing. If you are retired more and more facilities and leisure facilities activities are being aimed at you. Are you in a position to pivot and take advantage of these opportunities. The next phase of retirement is steering phase. Steering your retirement as it evolves. This is often considered the most challenging stage. After you go through that whole “when I retire I’m gonna...”list, you begin to feel a loss of purpose, that thing that launches you out of bed is gone. Have you gotten to this phase yet? How have you taken charge of the loss of purpose. What launches you out of bed?
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Lion
2 Mar
Hey Everyone. @mary-leadbetter just joined the group. Please join me in welcoming them and introducing yourself here!
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Lion
2 Mar
Hey Everyone. @james-randono just joined the group. Please join me in welcoming them and introducing yourself here!
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Shelley DCoach
8 Mar
Hello Wisdo friends. Welcome to Joyful Retirement. Please chime in and say hello, make a comment if you want to or just hang back and send us a heart if you are so moved. I’m glad you are here. As always you can reach out to me if you have question or if you are interested in some individual coaching. I am happy to help. We have spent the last few week talking about the stages of retirement. Today we are going to talk about the last step, the “reengineering “ step. The final retirement stage may start 15 years of more after the start of your retirement. A time to re-engineer and prioritize simplifying your life. Retirees in this phase have figured out many of the ups and downs they faced at the beginning of retirement. So this sense of being content in their retirement means experiencing less depression and anxiety. Having been retired for 15 or more years retirees finds themselves settled into a fun and rewarding retirement lifestyle, and doing things that make them feel fulfilled. Have you thought about it how your retirement will be in 15 or 20 years? Is your current retirement plan putting you on track for this transition?
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Chestnut
8 Mar
I wish!! But you know what they say about that!
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Koala
8 Mar
Hey Everyone. @kim-germond just joined the group. Please join me in welcoming them and introducing yourself here!hi im mike
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Koala
8 Mar
Hi welcom i.m mike
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Shelley DCoach
15 Mar
Hello Wisdo Friends, So glad you are here. Welcome to Joyful Retirement. I have been retired for 7 years and I hope by fostering these discussions we can make the path a little smoother for others. I am a coach here on Wisdo and If you have questions or if you want to learn more about one on one coaching reach out, I would love to help. In the meantime please participate if you want, or just say hi. You are among friends. We have spent the last few weeks discussing the stages of retirement. Today a brief review of those stages and hopefully a discussion on where you are on the journey and some input on what has gone well and not so well. Also if you have questions, ask! Someone in the group may have the answer. We’re all in this together right. The first phase Gearing Up is the phase before retirement. This is when most people shift their focus from building their careers to focusing on the financial planning aspect of retirement. Just as important Is making sure you have planned for the what now of retirement, not just the how. A majority of retirees don’t usually spend enough time on emotional planning. Setting a goal and planning to make sure you have fun and find purpose in this  transition and on into retirement. Look down the road, what will make you happy and fulfilled? Making lifestyle decisions, such as downsizing to have more financial freedom and the ability to age in place, will help you plan for a more trouble free retirement. This phase usually begins 3-5 years before retirement. The second phase of your retirement is your time to really celebrate and adjust. You have retired! This is the Cheering phase as you first step or transition into retirement. It will help to remember that life has been and continues to be a transition. You have spent many years working toward this moment so don’t expect to know all the right moves in a day or a week or even in 6 months or a year. It might take awhile to settle in and figured out your new routines or relationships. I always encourage setting both short- and long-term goals. This helps with a direction, something to keep you grounded and have something meaningful to look forward to. Some people think of the first part of retirement as the honeymoon phase. It might last from a few months to a couple of years. Did you pre plan retirement so you would have goals and a purpose? Did you retire to something? Have you experienced this “Cheering” phase? If so, do you have advice for others. Have you thought about how you will spend your time so you can feel productive or fulfilled while still doing the things you want.
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Shelley DCoach
22 Mar
Hello Wisdo Peeps. Great to have you drop by Joyful Retirement. As a life coach I have been working with retired and pre retired people for 9 years. I look at this weekly opportunity in Joyful Retirement as a way to pass on some of the knowledge and information I’ve learned along the way from others and a chance to learn lots of new things from you. So jump on in with a comment or just send us a heart if you are so inclined. If you have question about anything or if you would like to talk about personal one to one coaching reach out. Today we are going to start working on challenges you might have and how to meet them. One of the issues that I have worked on with retired people is turning off their brain so they can sleep. Some people have no problem falling asleep. However, many others have severe difficulty falling and staying asleep through the night. Not sleeping well can effect your memory, your mood, stamina and even digestion. Trusted Source This happens to almost everyone from time to time, but for some it is a real problem. Many people try relaxing by doing meditative breathing, light exercises, using music or nature sounds to soothe them to sleep. Other people swear by warm milk, a long warm bathe, turning down the temperature. In addition to adjusting the light and temperature many people use aromatherapy. Aromatherapy is the use of essential oils. It’s used to help with falling asleep because it may help with relaxation. Have you ever had trouble turning off your brain so you can sleep? What have you tried? What has worked or not worked?
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GrapesHelper
23 Mar
Hey Everyone. @kim-germond just joined the group. Please join me in welcoming them and introducing yourself here!
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Shelley DCoach
29 Mar
Hello again and happy Monday. So glad you stopped by. If you are new to Wisdo or perhaps new to the whole idea of this kind of communication, welcome! My name is Shelley D and I have been a Life Coach for 9 years and I am a coach here on Wisdo. Please contribute if you want, ask a question, make a comment on someone’s post, or just hang back and see how it’s done. We will be meeting here every Monday and you are always welcome to join us. If you ever have a question about Wisdo or would like to find out about one on one coaching, please reach out. Let’s get started. Today we are going to begin talking about one aspect of retirement that can be a blessing : “Retirement: a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked." (Catherine Pulisfer) as well as a curse: “The trouble with retirement is you never get the day off.” (Abe Lemons) Our careers provide structure to our lives five days a week, and weekends can be consumed by chores and rest. The cycle starts all over again Monday morning. But once you leave your job for good, there's suddenly a lot of time to fill. Have you truly thought through how you will fill that time in retirement? "Retire from work, but not from life." M.K. Soni Have you found retirement a blessing, a curse or both? Did your retirement plan include a plan for your free time?
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Shelley DCoach
5 Apr
Hello Wisdo Friends, Glad to have you dropping in for a chat if you are inclined or just send us a heart if you read something you like. We are here to help each other and I am so glad to be a part of such a great group. If you have questions about Wisdo or about private one to one coaching reach out. On to our topic. Last week we talked about how important it was to maintain your social connections Connections with family as well as friends is important but finding something fulfilling gives purpose to your life it is also important to find a balance between activities and relaxing so you can enjoy retirement in the best way possible. But what if retirement turns out to be too easy and you have too much time on your hands? As we discussed when we covered the stages of retirement you need to plan activities for your retirement that are fulfilling and joyful for you do. Retirement gives you more choices for spending your time than before and you certainly don’t have to only pick one thing Retiree Geraldine Watson did her first skydive at the age of 85 and she reported yo Senior Planet that she really loved it and would maybe do it again, but now she was interested in Paris. Did you make a plan to have something to do so you could have joyful days? What will you do? How are you filling your days? What advice do you have for others?
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Shelley DCoach
12 Apr
Welcome to Marvelous Mondays here at Joyful Retirement. So glad you are with me here today. This week we begin working on Boundaries with partner and family. Next week friends, and others we might make commitments to, and the third week“Setting boundaries when adult children have not left or have moved back home” As always please feel free to reach out with questions about our topic, Wisdo or coaching. Perhaps you have a list of all the books you haven't read or movies you want to see again or recipes you want to try. Maybe you have found some old friends on the internet and travel plans are in the works but sometimes even before the ink is dry on your farewell card from work everybody in your life is making plans for your free time. How do you say YES TO YOU without feeling guilt? Maybe you are already over committed and have no me time? It is never too late to set up some boundaries. If you are already drowning in yeses to everyone else, it’s time to make a plan. Whether it’s your children, your friends or others, let’s talk about situations that may need some boundaries set. Are you over committed? Do you find it hard to say no because you don’t want to be mean?
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Shelley DCoach
19 Apr
Hello Wisdo Friends. How is your Monday? I hope it’s great but if it’s not, remember there are some terrific people here on Wisdo that are here to help. That includes me. Reach out if you have questions about Wisdo, if you have comments about this session ( or suggestions), or if you would like to know if one on one sessions might be for you I will be glad to help. Last week we began talking about boundaries with our partner and children. Let’s begin today with other family members. As we discussed last week It's better to set limits on your time early and ease into a new schedule than to take on too much at once and get overwhelmed or resentful. Setting limits is also necessary for other family members. You are retired so you get called on to do the errands, pick up people from airports and wait at your nephews house for the cable guy. Only say yes to what you want to do. A no answer does not require a reason. Family members have known us longer then anyone.and certainly know how to push buttons and make us feel guilty, but they can’t do it without our permission. If they make a request you don’t want to do or can’t do you can and should say no. Tell them no, but you can also tell them what you can do. I can’t wait for the cable guy on Tuesday afternoon but I’m free Friday morning. Let them know what you can do or are willing to do. Set the boundary and keep it. If you are already over committed make a plan to pull back. Define what your needs are. Be honest and upfront and stick to it. We often think of boundaries as harsh or mean, but they are kind. Boundaries aren’t designed to shut others out, but instead, when you set a boundary, you are giving yourself permission to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries you can all live with is essential for your mental health and peace of mind. Have you established liveable boundaries with your family? Are you called upon to “help out” more than you want?
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Shelley DCoach
26 Apr
Good morning friends. Glad to see you for an important discussion on boundaries with adult children. As always if you have questions reach out or ask me about how you can talk one on one in a private session. Let’s get started. One of the universal truths we have seen in all of our discussions about boundaries is that they should all begin with communication. A boundary that you don’t tell anyone about is good for one thing - to make you frustrated. It is not a boundary if you tell yourself you won’t give them any more money, but you don’t tell them you’ve made this decision. Setting boundaries is the answer to much of your fighting and frustration with your adult child. With communication in mind and knowing that the best path is the most direct path let’s TALK through a way to help set some boundaries and find a neutral ground. T- take stock of where you are. Are you enabling your adult children? Its important to understand the difference between helping and enabling. Here are some signs that you're enabling your child: They live at home, or you pay for their living expenses. You're constantly helping them through crises. You constantly make sacrifices so they can have what they want. You're overwhelmed from helping your grown child. You're constantly worried about doing something that will hurt or upset them. Has rescuing your adult child become a pattern of unhealthy behavior? If you try to "save" your adult child every time he or she is in trouble, you may be making things worse in the long run. While it may feel good to do this, the implicit (or even explicit) message to the child is, " I must help because you are not competent to make it on your own." Boundaries can help you find a way to assist these young adults without enabling them. Does this sound familiar? Do you need to set boundaries but haven’t been able to?
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Shelley DCoach
3 May
Hello. Nice to see you. I hope everyone is doing well. Welcome to Joyful Retirement. Please feel free to say hello so we know you are here and chime in if you have questions or contributions. We are all here to help and learn. If I can be of help to anyone on a one to one situation. Reach out. You are not alone. Let’s get started. Have you ever noticed how someone else can look at something you are looking at and they can spot something you’ve never noticed. Whether it’s a different perspective, different experiences or just fresh eyes they see something in a way you didn’t. It’s the same with your life. How you feel is largely determined by how you see things. When you are working on a problem and you’re feeling stymied, change the way you approach your problem, you’ll often find a way to move forward. There is a famous quote by Phoebe Tan that says , “Image is everything.” The way we perceive or see things Is our truth. How we get that view is a complex mix of experience, exposure, ability, and other things. I believe that is true and how we perceive things is how we behave towards them. Think about a pit bull. If you have a pit bull, or are fond of pit bulls you probably have had good experience with them. If not, or your experience is relegated to news stories and other people’s opinions you might have a totally different perception of them as family pets. Not right or wrong just different. So if perspective is everything and if you can find a way to change yours, you can find a new view of situations in your life that are very different than what you’ve been living. You can change your life. Change is hard. Changing the way you look at things can be scary at first and if you don’t know where to start, you are in good company. The first step is to see things differently. This does not mean put on rose colored glasses and only see what you want. This means if you want to get unstuck, or see your life in a different light, consider the next few steps to help you get started. 1. Look for the positive Often we tend to see events that impact us negatively in the worst possible light. We can find fault with people without knowing all the facts. If you can find a positive spin to put on things you can not only see them differently you can enjoy them. For example, it’s another rainy day. You can mope around the house or you can think of what you can enjoy. Read that book, movie party with the kids, take a nap! When you can change your perspective to view things in a positive way, you’ll find your life begins to be more positive as well 2. Change your perception of other people. It pays to change how you look at people when you’ve been upset or hurt by a friend or partner. We can hold on to a lot of resentment and negative energy that keeps us stuck because we are not willing to let go of it. We continually replay any slight or perceived hurt and things continue to deteriorate. We just reinforce the negative. Stop. Flip it. Remind yourself of good things, good times, laughter, private jokes and why you liked them in the first place. Take time to reinforce the good, the positive. If you can see things in a more positive light, you give yourself room to consider maybe they were having a bad day, and that it had nothing to do with you. Maybe you were having a bad day or other factors influenced how you reacted. Your hurt is real but it can mask the way you are looking at the person. We must take time to talk to them about the situation. Find out why and maybe you can change the way you react to that person, and change your own life at the same time. They might not even be aware that you’ve been hurt. 3. Keep an open mind. Life stands still if you’re not open to change. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is keep an open mind and just take a leap into the unknown. What would happen if you allowed yourself to suspend disbelief and changed your perspective to view the improbable or impossible as something you could achieve? Your best ideas may come from being open to change and hearing other people’s perspectives. It all begins with a seed of “what if” and changing the way you look at things. 4 Avoid falling back into your old patterns. The path to changing the way you see things is to not allow yourself to fall back on your old perceptions of how things “should be.” It is easy to take a path of least resistance and less work. If you’re trying to see your life in a more positive light, then looking at people and events through the lens of negativity is not going to help you move forward. When you’re tempted to fall back into your old way of seeing, remember this “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you see it or think about it.” — Mary Engelbreit If you practice these tips to change your perspective, the things you look at in your life will also change. You will discover the power you have over your own life and emotions, and a way to live the best possible life you can. Did any of this strike a chord with you ? Please share if you want to. Let’s talk about how to make this work.
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25 Replies
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Shelley DCoach
10 May
Hello Friends. Welcome to Joyful Retirement. So glad to start the week with you. Today we talk about shared concerns of retirement. Please chime in with your ideas and other concerns. We can solve so much if we work together. You are not alone in your concerns I promise. In addition, as always, I’m here for you. Reach out if you have questions and if your insurance company has provided Wisdo to you you can get three.free no cost no obligation one to one sessions with any of the coaches in here. Why not reach out? On to today’s topic There are many surveys that discuss concerns of senior citizens. Here is a compilation of the results. Most of the results are intertwined, co dependent on each other but I thought I’d share the results with you and see what other concerns you have, and see if anyone has comments or can help. Loss of Independence. Loss of independence can be discouraging to older adults. They have spent their entire lives living independently, working jobs, raising families, and making decisions. The natural effects of aging can sometimes make independent living harder than it once was. If a senior loses driving privileges it is a great blow to independence and self esteem. - To keep independence as long as possible you should retain your own decision making skills. Choosing your own daily activities helps keeps you independent. Maintain your mobility and keep up your strength so your daily activities are not limited. Now is the time to maintain a healthy lifestyle and toke good care of yourself. You must also keep a sense of purpose. Having something to do gives you a reason to live each day to the fullest Loneliness/Bereavement Loneliness is an issue that many seniors face, especially if they are no longer able to drive, children have moved away, or if a significant other has passed away. Such a drastic life change can be exceptionally difficult to deal with, often contributing to depression, anxiety and isolation. - if you are suffering from grief, you can reach out for help. Your church or your doctor can recommend someone to help. One idea is to remain as close to family and friends as possible. Affordable technology that spans miles in milliseconds afford today’s seniors stronger relationships with grandchildren and great-grandchildren than previous generations. The internet can help you find and connect to old friends. Reach out to friends and stay connected through church, community and volunteer groups. Take advantage of senior transportation services, and ask for help if you need it. Health Concerns. This is a broad topic and encompassed many aspects of health care. Routine appointments, medications, insurance, losing vision or mobility, cost of care, long term conditions, caring for a spouse, memory and dementia issues, home health, nursing homes and doctor shortages. While we are not all blessed with great genes we must do what we can in the best way we can to be all that we can. If you find you cannot navigate all your health concerns ask for help. Be aware that with the senior population growing so quickly access to vital home and community based services is growing allowing more seniors to age in place. Today’s technology Smart phones, tablets, and watches with a range of lifesaving and improving quality of life health care. 4. Financial concerns. Many Seniors fear running short of funds, even those who have been prudent and wisely put aside funds sometimes worry that they won’t have enough. They worry about what will happen to them—and the burden it could put on their loved ones. - Everything about retirement hinges on finances. Get a financial Professional if you can. At the very least, make detailed budget. Factor in monthly expenses such as food, utilities, and housing as well as optional expenses such as travel and hobbies. Don't forget savings and emergency money for vehicles, home repair, and similar big-ticket items that may need to be purchased in the future. The cost of Health care can cause financial hardship so comparing prices and coverage and what is affordable with a professional is imperative. 5.Ageism and no purpose. Have you heard the phrase put out to pasture? Many seniors feel like the have purpose that their usefulness is long gone. Studies shie an increasing amount of self isolation, depression overuse of alcohol or drugs among retirees that didn’t retire TO something. Find a cause a hobby or a volunteer job. Ageism is discrimination (when someone acts on a prejudice) based on age. Ageist attitudes and biases based on stereotypes reduce elderly people to inferior or limited positions. Ageism can vary in severity. but relating to the elderly in ways that are patronizing can be offensive. When ageism is reflected in the workplace, in healthcare, and in assisted-living facilities, the effects of discrimination can be more severe. Ageism can make people fear losing a job, feel dismissed by a doctor, or feel a lack of power and control in their daily living situations. Awareness is a good start. If you are part of our older population, you can seek help, so you don’t feel like you have to face it alone. Everyone should speak up Don’t let ageism take root. Get involved in the community in social events. This might help to devise a purpose for you and expose others to a positive image of older persons. By coming up with innovative ways to involve older people in the community through social events, we can not only help them to maintain a sense of identity and self-esteem but also tap into the wealth of knowledge and experience we have. Which of these issues have you felt with? Any advice on how to handle? What other concerns do you have?
35 Replies
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Shelley DCoach
17 May
Hello old friends and hopefully hello new friends as well. One of the things that many of my life coaching clients have talked to me about is chronic worrying. It’s been a youth year and I know all of us have had worries. We are going to begin a two part discussion on worry. Today, what action can you take to get a handle on where you are and what you can begin to do to tackle chronic worrying. Next week more pro active activities to hopefully put you back in control. Remember you are not alone there are many great people here on Wisdo. Message me if you have questions or if I can help. Let’s begin. Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to worry about a test, an unpaid bill, or a first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. If you worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you can’t get anxious thoughts out of your head, and it interferes with your life. There are steps you can take to turn off anxious thoughts. Like other bad habits, worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced view. Change the way you look at things. Once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control. Perhaps these tips can help Postponing worrying. Rather than trying to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it, but put off dwelling on it until later. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it and then move on. Remind yourself that you will think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it right now. Recording your thoughts—on a pad or on your phone or computer—is much harder work than simply thinking them, so your worries are more likely to lose power. Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day (e.g. in the living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) and early enough that it won’t make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you’re allowed to worry about whatever’s on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone. If the thoughts you wrote down are still bothering you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you’ve specified for your worry period. Postponing the worry might put it in perspective and If your worries have lost their importance, simply cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day. You can begin to take control of your worrying by challenging your negative thoughts. During your worry period ask yourself: * What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true? * Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation? * What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen? If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes? * Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me * What would I say to a friend who had this worry? Research shows that while you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious, it makes you feel like you’re getting something done. You aren’t. Worrying and problem solving are two very different things. If the worry is solvable, start brainstorming. Make a list of all the possible solutions and make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less anxious. If the worry is not solvable, accept the uncertainty. (More on this next week ) If you’re a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts fall here and will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. Try to tackle your need for certainty and immediate answers. * Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain? What is the likelihood they will? * Given the likelihood is very low, is it possible to live with the small chance that something negative may happen. * Ask your friends and family how they cope with uncertainty in specific situations. Could you do the same? * Tune into your emotions. Worrying about uncertainty is often a way to avoid unpleasant emotions, accept your feelings, even those that are uncomfortable or don’t make sense. How do you cope with worries? Do any of the tips above seem helpful? What have you tried?
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49 Replies
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Shelley DCoach
17 May
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Shelley DCoach
24 May
Howdy folks! (That’s hello Big Tex style). Glad to see you. Thanks for joining us this week. You are appreciated. Last week we discussed what worry is, if we are ok worriers or chronic worriers. We discussed how to handle worrisome situations. Today let’s go a little deeper. You are welcome and encouraged to participate with ideas and comments. Reach out if you have questions or concerns.  Let’s get started.  Sometimes worry can seem like a good thing. We think it will keep us motivated, to be on top of things and to make sure that  if this or that doesn’t work then there is a plan B or C or even D. It can In fact feel strangely comfortable if you are a chronic worrier.  It’s tough to break the worry habit if you believe your worrying serves a positive purpose. The fact is worry and anxiety can bring on many physical problems, lack of sleep, loss off productivity and strained family relations. Once you realize that worrying is the problem not the solution you can regain control of your worries. *Interrupt the worry pattern —Get up and get moving.  Exercise releases endorphins which relieve tension and stress, boost energy, and can enhance your sense of well-being. If you can concentrate on how your body feels as you move and be mindful of how you feel you can interrupt the constant flow of worries running through your head. How does it fell as your feet hit the ground as you walk, run, or dance? Focus on the rhythm of your breathing, —Take a yoga or tai chi class. By focusing your mind on your movements and breathing,  it keeps your attention on the present the now. Clearing your mind can lead to a relaxed state. —Meditation or deep breathing can help change your focus from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past to being in the present. Meditation can be as close as a smart phone Ap.  —Practice progressive muscle relaxation. This focuses your mind on your body instead of your thoughts. By alternately tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in your body, you release muscle tension. As your body relaxes, your mind will follow. *Talk it out —It may seem like a simple solution, but talking face to face with a trusted friend, family member or professional is one of the most effective ways to calm your nervous system and diffuse anxiety. Keeping worries to yourself only causes them to build up until they seem overwhelming. If your fears are unwarranted, verbalizing them can expose them for what they are—needless worries. And if your fears are justified, sharing them with someone else can produce solutions that you may not have thought of alone. —Build a strong support system. Human beings are social creatures. Don’t underestimate the benefit of a few people you can trust and count on to be there for you.  —Know who to avoid when you’re feeling anxious. Your anxiety-habit may be something you learned when you were growing up. If your mother is a chronic worrier, she is not the best person to call when you’re feeling anxious—no matter how close you are. When considering who to turn to, ask yourself whether you tend to feel better or worse after talking to that person about a problem. *Adopt a Mindfulness technique —Mindfulness. This strategy is based on observing your worries and then letting them go, helping you identify where your thinking is causing problems and getting in touch with your emotions The centuries-old practice of mindfulness can help you break free of your worries by bringing your attention back to the present.  —Acknowledge and observe your worries. Don’t try to ignore, fight, or control  your worries, simply observe them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging. —Let your worries go. When you don’t try to control the anxious thoughts that pop up, they pass. Picture  clouds moving across the sky. Engaging your worries gets you stuck. —Stay focused on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, and the thoughts that drift across your mind. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment. —Repeat daily. Using mindfulness to stay focused on the present is a simple concept, but it takes time and regular practice to reap the benefits. At first, you’ll probably find that your mind keeps wandering back to your worries.  We have just scraped the surface of a few ideas to help with worry. They can work if you are dedicated enough. Try not to get frustrated. Each time you draw your focus back to the present, you’re reinforcing a new mental habit that will help you break free of the negative worry cycle. How do you handle worries? Can you stop a worry? Can you share techniques? Are there “good” worries?
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Shelley DCoach
31 May
I will not be hosting a live session today as I am participating in a memorial duty remembrance. See you here next week. Today is May 31st and Americans across the country will remember the brave men and women who gave their lives for our country. Whether you plan to observe the holiday with a parade, a service, or a moment of silence, I hope you also take a moment today to thank someone and/or their families for their service. It is so little to do for those who have done so much. “Our flag does not fly because the wind moves it. it flies with the last breath of each soldier who died protecting it." – Unknown
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Shelley DCoach
7 Jun
Hello and glad to see you. Today we start a two part discussion on joyfulness. Jump in, only friends here. When I was asked to join Wisdo as a coach I thought for a long time before I came up with a name for my coaching sessions. I chose Joyful Retirement because I think as a retired person that’s what I aspire to. I think a lot of people confuse joy with happiness and though in my mind they are closely related and can occur at the same time, these emotions are not the same. Happiness is an emotion that brings bursts of intense pleasure, excitement, and satisfaction, while joyfulness is a stronger, and longer state that gives us feelings of inner peace and contentment. Happiness can be brought about by a good cup of coffee in the morning or a funny movie. Joy, on the other hand, is more difficult. Do you think happiness is what is happening around us while Joy is what is happening within us? It is important to have joy in your life as people who maintain a joyful life have lower heart rate and blood pressure, as well as stronger immune systems. Additionally, individuals who report having more positive emotions also have fewer illnesses, including fewer minor aches and pains. A joyful life is different for everyone as people associate joy with different things. That's probably how it should be, you shouldn’t be following someone else’s version of joy. Here are a few things we can all do to find or increase joyful living. *Oftentimes, the saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could-a, should-a, would-a. . Start doing things that you always wanted to do, get out there to your bucket-list, and start living a life with no regrets. Life is about savoring every moment and making the most of it. These little joys will make your life more joyful. * There is no joy like working on something you are passionate about. Knowing that you are dedicating your life to something purposeful is a hard feeling to be expressed in words. The thing about passion is that it makes your life both beautiful and worth living for. If you haven’t found your passion yet, it’s absolutely okay. Just keep looking for it and don’t settle. *Start spending some time out -of-doors. People who connect to nature and believe that nature is important to their lives are generally happier. The fresh oxygen, beautiful mix of colors, and the serenity can change your mood in an instant and boost your happiness levels. *Start looking after yourself. Joy comes from within and nothing in this world can make you joyful if you are not content inside. You must learn to look after yourself if you want to live a joyful life. The first step is to start looking after your body. Start somewhere--yoga, dancing, hiking, swimming, or bicycling. Do whatever you find interesting. *Start giving back to the society. It not only helps us to be generous and benevolent but also gives us a sense of purpose. To quote Denzel Washington, “At the end of the day it’s not about what you have or what you’ve accomplished… It’s all about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.” *Start investing in your growth— mental, physical, intellectual, and financial. Knowing that you are becoming better with every passing day helps you enjoy your life even more. Read books or blogs, watch videos that inspire, indulge your curiosity, take a class, listen to podcasts to stimulate your growth. All these habits and actions will have a profound effect on your overall well-being and joy. Are you doing any of the above? Do they help with Joy? What have YOU tried that you would recommend. Other ideas?
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Shelley DCoach
14 Jun
Last week as we started talking about Joy one of our constant contributors to Joyful Retirement, Roger, brought up the the topic of Gratitude and Joy. Today we will explore that deeper and then talk about some joy tips. Let’s get started. Joy and gratitude are two topics that have been researched and have recently became hot topics. Gratitude and joy are more than just a state of mind or a gesture. There are science-based theories behind each of these emotional states of being.Researchers in Positive Psychology have found that gratitude and happiness and joy are always strongly correlated. Gratitude moves people to experience more positive emotions, to thoroughly enjoy the good experiences, better their health, face adversity, and develop and maintain relationships of strength, which in turn brings joy. Healthy population studies have found that when participants exhibited a positive affect, like joy, happiness, energy and vigor, life satisfaction, optimism, and a sense of humor – there was a lower mortality rate (Carr, 2011). Happiness can increase our longevity. So we see being grateful can change our lives. Remember a few weeks ago we discussed the attitude, “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” I challenge you the next time you find yourself being negative about something to change the way you look at it. Take that same thing and find something to be grateful for. Then find another and another. To be joyful is to be happy, jubilant and elated. Who doesn’t want more of that in their life! Here are 20 small things you can adopt into your everyday life that will do just that…bring you joy! 1. Eat Breakfast Be sure to eat a health breakfast. 2. Smile and Be present Take time to realize what is going on around you. 3. Slow down Pick one thing at a time and do it mindfully. 4. Take Breaks Work for an hour and take a 15-minute break. Move and stretch. This will help your productivity. 5. Write Things Down It will help you remember and be more organized. 6.Listen Start listening to people. You will learn from what is being said, and from who his saying it. 7.Take Action Pick something each day that you want to accomplish, and do it! 8.Small Wins Break down larger goals and projects into small bites and celebrate each step. 9.Be Positive Keep a positive mindset throughout your day. 10.Limit Worry/Anxiety Be present in today! Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t happened. Try box breathing to help with anxiety. 11.Avoid Negativity Limit the amount of time and energy you spend with negative people. 12.Laugh As you avoid negative people, gravitate towards funny ones. Watch a funny show or movie, to get those endorphins pumping. 13.Plan Your Next Day At the end of your day, sit down and write what you want to accomplish the next day. 14.Sleep Make sure you are getting enough sleep, life becomes easier when you get enough rest. So, write down what you will be doing tomorrow, get a good nights sleep, wake up, start adopting these little things into your day and begin to live a happier, more joyfulness life! Do these inspire you? How do you show gratitude? How many of you day thankful for a well cooked meal or a beautiful job well done? Can you see how you being grateful to someone pays double dividends?
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112 Replies
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Shelley DCoach
21 Jun
Hello all. So glad you joined us. Please feel free to jump in with an idea a comment or a question. We are all here to learn and grow. Thank you Rebecca for suggesting listening as a topic. If any one has something that you want to talk about send me an email. Let’s get started. Given all the listening that we do, you would think we'd be good at it! In fact, most of us are not, and research suggests that we only remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. There are many ways we can improve our listening skills one is to use active listening skills and one is to practice mindfulness when listening. Active, reflective listening Is when you actively listen and understand what the other person is saying. Then, you restate or share back information with the speaker, showing that you are paying attention and actively involved. It is a process of providing feedback to the person speaking. By doing so, you are letting that person know you are paying attention and are interested in what she or he is saying. Active listening involves more than just hearing someone speak. When you practice active listening, you are fully concentrating on what is being said. You listen with all of your senses and give your full attention to the person speaking. Below are some features of active listening: •Focus on them, on their face •Nonjudgemental •Patient (periods of silence are not "filled") • Feedback to show signs of listening (smiling, eye contact, nodding, ) •Ask clarifying questions •Reflecting back what is said Think about the last time you had a conversation with someone that ended in a fight or a misunderstanding. What if you had been using active listening? Could the result have been better? During conversations with your spouse, kids or parents, have you said to yourself “ they just don’t listen to me” but are you actively listening to them? Try just a couple of the above techniques and see if you get a better result. It might sound like this, “ from what you said I can tell you are really upset. “ ( focus, reflection, no judgement and no “ well I Think”) It will be hard at first to not interrupt with your own ideas. If you will make the effort to actively listen to what someone is saying and how they are feeling will go a long way to improving your conversations. Active listening takes practice to improve and maintain. The more you use these techniques, the more natural they’ll feel. Active listening provides a checklist of actions to follow but doesn't necessarily prompt you, to monitor thoughts, feelings or reactions that might affect what you hear. Mindful listening goes beyond active listening to help shut out distractions like noise, electronic pings, and our own thoughts that worm into our heads when we are trying to listen. Listening in this way requires you to give your full focus to the person who is talking, and to use your senses to understand their words and emotions. You must do this while being open-minded, and show that you are taking interest in what the other person is saying. You have to be in the present moment to absorb what is being said. You also have to listen without judgment, and without trying to formulate what you are going to say in response. When you're not mindful, you can be distracted by your own thoughts and worries, and fail to see and hear what other people are doing and saying. Here are some simple ways you can use mindfulness to improve your listening. 1. Being present. When you listen mindfully, your focus should be on the person you are listening to, without distractions. Mute your devices, be ready to listen and relax. 2.Meditate: this is a way of practicing mindfulness and can be an excellent way of learning how to focus on the moment. When you empty your mind of "clutter," you can make room for other people's points of view. 3.Cultivating empathy. Validate the speakers perspective by acknowledging her opinion. It doesn't mean you have to agree with her, just that you accept they have a different perspective from you.(parents does this ring a bell) 4.Listening to your own thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that we have when we feel anxious or angry, and choose not to let them block communication. Mindful listening is not without auxiliary benefits. It helps you to: Retain information. Pause before you speak so that you can consider the effect of your words. Pay attention for longer. Boost your self-esteem. Reduce anxiety and increase positive feelings Sounds like I need to listen to this advice! Can you share examples of how active or mindful listening could have worked for you? Or share a situation where it did?
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54 Replies
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Shelley DCoach
28 Jun
Hello my friends. Today we are going to talk about recovering from making a mistake. I received a message today asking about what to do if you are obsessing over mistakes and can’t move on. We will take that on next week. Today we have some information and a plan for handling and recovering from a mistake. Let’s get started. When Disneyland opened in 1955, it was a disaster. Although 15,000 visitors were expected, nearly twice as many descended upon the park, thanks to thousands of counterfeit tickets. Guests were plagued by long lines, malfunctioning rides, and a shortage of food. To top it all off, a tiger and a panther escaped from the circus, terrifying children and parents on Disney’s suddenly family-unfriendly Main Street. The day having been dubbed “Black Sunday”by his employees, Walt Disney took it all in stride. “If you do big things, you make big mistakes,” he told reporters. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. I make mistakes everyday. If we didn’t make mistakes we’d never learn anything. What matters is what we do and don’t do after we make a mistake. Here are some tips to recover and turn it around. *You are not your mistake When you make a mistake, keep in mind that it doesn’t define who you are as a person. Try not to jump to conclusions about your worth or value. No one’s perfect, and that’s okay. *Regroup. While hiding out and cowering is what might pop into your mind, just the opposite is your best bet. It happened, now what? Take a breath, take charge of yourself and act. *The worst thing to do is pretend it didn’t happen and hope no one finds out. Responsible, ethical people own up to their mistakes, immediately. If you were responsible step forward, don’t make excuses or try to place blame. *Everybody makes mistakes but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t apologize for them. If your mistake has caused a problem for others it is imperative you give them a sincere and meaningful apology. It should be done as soon as possible. *Think about why you made the mistake. Knowledge, execution, emotion; determine where things went wrong. If you can understand why, you can make a plan to keep it from happening again. If you need assistance to understand, get it. *Fix it if you can. Do damage control and do what you can to remedy the mistake. Learn from this. Making things right and taking responsibility to fix it can be a positive experience. If you make a really big mistake, don’t feel that you have to cope with it on your own. Talk to your friends or family about it. They might just say something that sheds light on what happened and help you see the light. *Learning from your mistake might mean changing the way something is done. It could just mean a change of habit for you, but the change could involve other people. If so, work together to be successful. * Review your changes using the Plan-Do-Check-Act process. Plan: Recognize an opportunity and plan a change. Do: Test the change. Carry out a small-scale study. Check: Review the test, analyze the results, and identify what you've learned. *Tomorrow is another day. Let go and move on. If you find yourself focusing on your mistake, practice reflection. Remind yourself that you are a good person, mistakes happen and you have done your best. Mohammed Ali said, “it doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked down. It matters how many times you get up”. It is not what you did it’s how you behaved afterward. The mistake was accidental, your behavior is not. Be responsible, be professional, be grateful, allow yourself to learn from your mistake and then move on. How have you handled mistakes? What has worked or not worked?
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Turtle
28 Jun
Join me in giving a warm welcome to the new members that joined our community! 💫
3 Replies
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Shelley DCoach
5 Jul
Happy July 5. Hope you all had a great weekend Last week we talked about what to do after making a mistake. The last tip we listed was to let go and move on, but I heard from many who said that was easier said then done so today let’s discuss “how to let go and move on” The past can shape the future, but it doesn’t dictate it – you make the final choice in how you move forward in your life. Let’s get started. Rethinking and rethinking about events that have already happened or dwelling on memories of situations from the past that we haven’t let go of are unproductive and won’t get us anywhere. We must focus on what is the real self as opposed to the idealized self. No more If only, if only. We are human. Humans are not perfect, we make mistakes. The more we wallow in these negative emotions without a proactive or solution-oriented mindset, the more we feed into them and let them dictate our lives. That’s when these emotions become unhelpful, destructive, and even “addictive” in some cases. Here are important tips and advice for learning to better “let go” of your past mistakes. •Accept mistakes are a part of life. Remember that everyone makes mistakes at times, you are no different. Life is full of trial and error, the painful finally getting it right. That happens because we learn from mistakes What would happen If we made that first error and quit? A lot of people would be walking around with their shoes untied. •Get Moving As soon as you notice you’re ruminating, try to distract yourself for a few minutes. Engage in an activity that’s short and mentally absorbing but not extraordinarily difficult. In some situations, you might be able to just refocus your attention on what you’re supposed to be doing. Physical activity, such as jogging or walking, breathing techniques, mindfulness or yoga can also calm a mind that’s prone to rehashing. The more often you can take control the easier it becomes to let go. •Practice reflection. While it’s important not to dwell on our failures endlessly, taking the time to actively reflect on them is key to self improvement and self growth. Studies have shown hat when individuals write about a past mistake, it reduces their stress associated with the event and better equips them to handle new stressful events in the future. Writing about your failures will not only help you learn more from them, but also help you “let go” of them quicker and move on. Things to consider writing about Exactly what mistake did you make When did it happen? What was the situation? What aspects of the mistake were outside your control? How could you have prepared better before entering the situation? What did you learn How can you apply it in the future? Make sure you end the writing process on a positive note. Focus on the main takeaway lessons from the experience. •Be patient with yourself. It’s not easy to change yourself, especially not overnight. Understand that self-improvement is often a long-term process. Celebrate small wins and be aware of gradual progress. The dividends from that will multiply. Patience to allow yourself time to grow and let go is vital to being successful and moving on. •Zoom out. Life is a constantly unfolding process, no single event can dictate the rest of your life. Ask yourself, “ Really will this matter in a year or 5 or 10? If you look at the complete picture of your life, mistakes aren’t as big as we often think they are. •Forgive yourself. You probably tried your best given the time and situation. Your best is always good enough. Are you judging yourself for what you did in the past based on what you know now? Its possible that anyone else in your exact shoes would’ve made the same exact mistake. Forgive yourself like you would forgive a friend. Be as kind to yourself as you would a favorite member of your family. You matter. Once you start building yourself up again you can finally move on and seek happiness instead of being brought down by a past you cannot change. At the end of the day, we must learn to live with our mistakes to the best of our ability and grow from them. The tips, tools, and advice mentioned above are a great starting point, but it will take consistent practice to become better at “letting go” of your mistakes and continuously putting your best foot forward. Your past has shaped who you are today, but only your actions starting NOW will shape who you become in the future. Who do you want to be?
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Shelley DCoach
12 Jul
I won’t be doing a live session today as I was called out of town on family business. Hope to see you all back here next week! In the meantime some food for thought. Bring your questions snd comments next week. 8 Facts About Mindfulness: 1Mindfulness is not obscure or exotic. It’s familiar to us because it’s what we already do, how we already are. It takes many shapes and goes by many names. 2Mindfulness is not a special added thing we do. We already have the capacity to be present, and it doesn’t require us to change who we are. But we can cultivate these innate qualities with simple practices that are scientifically demonstrated to benefit ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and neighbors, the people we work with, and the institutions and organizations we take part in 3You don’t need to change. Solutions that ask us to change who we are or become something we’re not have failed us over and over again. Mindfulness recognizes and cultivates the best of who we are as human beings. 4Mindfulness has the potential to become a transformative social phenomenon. Here’s why: 5Anyone can do it. Mindfulness practice cultivates universal human qualities and does not require anyone to change their beliefs. Everyone can benefit and it’s easy to learn. 6It’s a way of living. Mindfulness is more than just a practice. It brings awareness and caring into everything we do—and it cuts down needless stress. Even a little makes our lives better. 7It’s evidence-based. We don’t have to take mindfulness on faith. Both science and experience demonstrate its positive benefits for our health, happiness, work, and relationships. 8It sparks innovation. As we deal with our world’s increasing complexity and uncertainty, mindfulness can lead us to effective, resilient, low-cost responses to seemingly intransigent problems.
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Shelley DCoach
19 Jul
Hello from Texas. Nice to be back and so nice of you to drop in. Today we start talking about mindfulness. I hope you can see how mindfulness can really enhance the life you are living and also decrease stress and benefit our health. Next week we will talk about several meditations you can do to help with mindfulness. Keep an open mind. I promise it’s worth it. Let’s get started. Do you ever find yourself so busy taking care of all the necessary stuff in your daily life that you tend to miss out on what is happening in the present moment. We forget to stop and smell the flowers—to be mindful of our surroundings. As we age, we may worry more about our physical health, but that doesn’t mean we can let our mental health go. Mindfulness can help. It promotes many physical and psychological benefits. The basic philosophy of mindfulness is self-awareness. It is the awareness that comes from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and without judgement. Author Narayan Liebenson Grady provides some pointers on how to be mindful in her book When Singing, Just Sing. “When sitting, just sit. When eating, just eat. When walking, just walk. When talking, just talk. When listening, just listen. When looking, just look. When touching, just touch When thinking, just think. When playing, just play And enjoy the feeling of each moment and each day.” Mindfulness is simply observing and accepting thoughts as they occur without judgment. Instead of worrying about the future or ruminating on the past, mindfulness meditation focuses on the present, blocking out modern-day distractions. Be aware of where you are and what is happening now. Quiet your mind and enjoy the feeling of what is happening to you as it is happening. Why is mindfulness important? Cognitive scientists have done numerous studies on the benefits of mindfulness. Some of their findings include Mindfulness improves the quality of our relationships. Mindfulness enhances the sense of meaning we have in our lives. Mindfulness quiets the racing mind Mindfulness reduces the symptoms of hypertension. Mindfulness reduces stress and anxiety A recent study showed that it might even slow down the progression of Alzheimer’s and mindful meditation is being studied to see if it can offset the cognitive decline. The benefits of mindfulness and meditation are just beginning to be realized. You can begin mindfulness by becoming aware of your surroundings and focusing on the now. To help focus you can try breathing exercises. Mindful breathing is a very basic yet powerful mindfulness meditation practice. The idea is simply to focus your attention on your breathing—to its natural rhythm and flow and the way it feels on each inhale and exhale. That can help quiet stray thoughts that pop up and allow you to focus. For more ways to get started with mindful meditation, check out these Meditation Techniques for Seniors, Six Easy Mindfulness Exercises for Seniors, and How to Practice Mindful Meditation. How do you feel about mindfulness. Can you see the benefits? Have you tried mindfulness in past? If so what worked, what did not?
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Shelley DCoach
Monday
Hi there. So nice to see you. Today’s topic will be interesting I think. Jump in and tell us your concerns. I know together we can make it better. Let’s get started. Emerging from the pandemic Whatever your feeling on masks and vaccines, as you look around you see more and more people out and about. Perhaps you are one who is back in the swing, perhaps not. Today we are starting a two part series on emerging from the pandemic. Today we will talk about concerns that many have and next week some techniques to cope with issues and anxieties. Older adults have been especially impacted by the coronavirus pandemic, as they are at a higher risk of serious illness if infected and account for 80 percent of all Covid related deaths. Older adults have necessarily limited in-person socialization and as a result it has contributed to an increase in isolation and loneliness. According to the Washington Post, millions of older Americans are struggling with physical, emotional and cognitive challenges following a year of being cooped up inside, stopping usual activities and seeing few, if any, people. They are less fit, feel less able to cope and fear encountering a problem. They are hesitant about resuming activities even though fully vaccinated. They wonder, “What if something happens?” “Maybe I shouldn’t do that’ “Am I taking a needless chance? Another concern is trying to go back to their regular routine. With so much changed it is likely that a whole new routine has to be established. Worldwide over 4 million people have died and almost 200 million people have contracted the disease. Things are different. Businesses have closed, places of worship have changed their hours, medical providers have new rules about appointments and non patients (like care givers or drivers) in their offices. Fear of what they could encounter keeps them frozen A huge difference is technology has taken a leap and by-passed many seniors. According to an Ericsson Social Research Study conducted in 8 countries around the world 46 % of seniors who use internet the least are most at risk of falling behind even further when new technology is introduced to the market. In addition seniors have more internet worries than others during this unique period in time. This includes things like getting hacked, being victims of online fraud or that fake news online will create unrest in society. According to Ericsson half of the seniors across all countries surveyed feared a lack of mobility. Being mobile means both the ability to walk around in and outside where they live, but also being able to drive a car, manage to take the bus or other vehicles to get to places in or around their location. “ Now we see that many of these seniors have already experienced restrictions of mobility. A majority of those seniors who drive a private car, use public transport, ride a bike or moped, take a taxi or even share taxi rides, said they are using these forms of transport much less now compared to before the crisis.” These seniors even walk less than before. As many as 4 in 10 said they walk less now, during the crisis. Lastly a great concern is the unknown. Even though they may be vaccinated they are still afraid to be around friends and younger family members. According to a study from the Kaiser Foundation, last May one out of three seniors were worried or felt stress about the pandemic. By July, that number was one out of two. Now with the hospitalizations on the increase again Seniors are wondering what is really safe. Are these concerns you have? Are other things worrying you? Let’s talk about concerns and next week let’s bring suggestions for solutions.
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