MindfulnessMatters Many people who practice mindfulness site decreased stress, increased ability to relax, a greater enthusiasm for life and improved self-esteem. Join us at Joyful Living on Monday (11/14) 9 am central time as we discuss mindfulness and why it matters.

Hey Everyone, I just joined here, I just kinda wanted to see others opinions on my relationship situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years, he’s talking of proposing + getting married next year which I have been totally down for but I just was thinking how we get in fights like everyday now, and he randomly flips a switch over the smallest things and makes it a big deal for no reason. Example: last night we got dinner at McDonald’s and I got a slushy thing and the lady filled it up too high and it started spilling in my cup holder, he immediately starts cussing and yelling and like calling names when im like “chill, just leave it there and I’ll clean it up when we get back to my house” and then he like flips out and put it out the window and then complains about it getting on himself and everything and then i get pissed off because it wouldn’t have gotten on him if he would just listen to me. And he’s like yelling and cussing still after I drive away telling me to pull over and just saying how ridiculous it is when it really wasnt that big of a deal in my eyes… And of course he ends up throwing it back into the cup holder and then it flings all over the place and then we don’t say a word to each other the entire way home. And when we got back to my house he’s fine and I’m mad and he’s trying to like cheer me up but it doesn’t make sense to me because he was literally the one going crazy. And this stuff happens like frequently too, he just blows up and then wonders why I’m upset over it. People say this is normal and all but like it’s every single time we are together like there is always something that he goes off on…any advice?

Soooooo he said he wanted some time to think of a response after I expressed a concern to him. We went back and forth on FaceTime. He said That he understood how I felt but didn't want to say the wrong thing. That was Saturday around midnight... we still haven’t spoke. He’s been on his fb since online etc

If your so called significant other is willing to cheat on you behind your back with their ex and telling them that they are trying to get rid of you and still telling the ex they love and miss them like crazy nothing can compare to them cheats any moment they are away from you even has secret food pick up meetings with them behind your back buying them stuff still and has to either be stoned or have alcohol in their system to put up with you while battling cancer do they really love and care for you lol nope

Wow that's too much

is it normal to be worried about having your boyfriend go to a concert without you? I wanted to go but realized I had to babysit. I’ll be honest, I’m scared to let him go alone because I overthink things but I do trust him. It’s just my thoughts being crazy ahhhh. How do I like chill out?

I can’t help but feel worried I haven’t heard from my boyfriend/fiancé since 5 this evening and he was on Facebook for a bit but didn’t message me back or anything. I’m starting to get worried a bit.

I feel kinda really unhappy in this moment and kinda fed up. I’m sick of the laziness and the lack of manners and the lack of respect for self-image. I’m overwhelmed, we’re helping my family move countries and we’ve got 3 weeks to find a home in a different city, and our stuff are in the other city and our car broke down and he’s got business to handle with inland revenue and the first mechanic ripped me off and I’m trying to dispute it and it’s really fucking hard to get approved for a house here and things just keep piling on and on. And I’m up early and down late cause I can’t sleep, and I’m dealing with everything and sorting everything on my own. He just sits there, or is on the game. But I’ve tried talking and it makes me feel terrible for giving him lectures and calling him lazy. And he clearly sees I’m mad that I just had to clean out a whole room of rubbish on my own but makes no attempt to talk to me. It’s been a week of the same shit. I’ve reached my fed up limit. I feel so so sad and alone, I’m surrounded by my family but don’t want them seeing the ugly because I like our relationship being personal, so I can’t have an outburst and he doesn’t make the time to sit w me one on one to talk, so I’m alone in my thoughts which is making me even more overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.

Hey, I am a perfectionist and very critical of myself and others. So as you guessed, this affects my relationships. Specifically, I always find features about my partner that I don't like. How can I know when something is bothering me about my partner, if it is a genuinely problematic feature or if she is terrific and just my perfectionism that fools me?

I’m glad this app exists it lets me know I’m not aline

I wish my husband would pay more attention to me, he is always working and when he does have time he spends it with the kids, I am okay with that but is it to much to ask to spend just 10 min with me I have talked to him about it but nothing has changed

I’ve always been a quiet down to earth person,never been in trouble and always put my best foot forward and work hard.But what I fail to realize is having someone by my side to love and support me as I do them.I’ve seen so many people left and right being treated bad by their partners and they always complain that they’re not happy with their current situation and I say to myself why can’t I be happy,why cAnt I provide that person the right type of love and support they need?The next thing is being judged even before anyone gets to know me,I am automatically dismissed because I don’t follow their specific criteria of a perfect so called man.Instead of getting to know me and seeing what I can offer them as a person they don’t even bother looking at me and that is what frustrates me.I’m willing to treat someone with love and respect,I’m willing to give them my 💯 care and compassion I’m willing to be the shoulder they need to cry on and their rock but I’m always being heartbroken for no reason.I give them good conversations and treat them right,I sit there and listen but it’s still not enough and I don’t get it

Hi everyone! I’ve just joined this community. Nice to meet everyone!

Needing advice - Yesterday evening as I was leaving target, something scary happened. It’s a long story. I’m still pretty shaken about it due to it being such a close call. My fiancé has a thing about me wearing pants and light makeup, it makes him uncomfortable but said he’d let it go because I’m gonna wear pants and light makeup if I want to, and I am. I begrudgingly told him about my encounter at target because it was weighing on me. Begrudgingly because I knew he’d smirk off the fact that it happened while I was wearing pants and makeup. I told him today that I was bothered by the thought of him might have having judged me and he said he was always just meaning to “protect” me from situations like the target one. It blows my fucking mind, excuse my language, but bluntly, it does to have anyone want to hold such ridiculous expectations on me. No other woman, unless in a controlling relationship, has to deal with this shit. Anyway, he told me it was just being protective to prevent these situations from happening as if I’m any less in danger when im wearing laid back basketball shorts and oversized shirts like I normally do and then gaslights me, telling me he was never uncomfortable with me wearing pants and makeup. I’m feeling borderline insane and suffocated at the same time. Am I wrong for feeling like his reaction is ridiculous??

So I've been talking with this guy on and off for a while now and he finally wants to meet, He says he wants a relationship but he wants sex on the first date. What should I do?

Whatever your heart desires. But, take into consideration that you have been talking to this guy on an off. Could also be a toxic situation

How do you regain trust with a spouse after cheating?

Hi everybody. Great to meet you all 🙌 I’m Aubrey

Hi everyone! I am ( I was ) in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we were living together since 3 yrs. we weren’t doing great since January, some grudge between us.. Then I had some family issues , suddenly my grandpa ( my father for me ) got very sick and passed away in May . I was devastated , didn’t want to live anymore , like seriously and I got some bad health consequences.. Anyways it happens that I fell for this waiter in July ( which I’ve been knowing since October 2021 but no big deal ) . He was treating me pretty nicely ( even tho he always did )but he started doing it differently , like flirting with me or something ( or maybe he always did I just didn’t notice that or gave him any chance to persuade me ..) and I kinda liked those attentions . Since then I realized that I had a crush on him but I always tried not to pander on it because I wanted to understand what was going wrong in my relationship , trying to fix it , and focus on my life after grandpa’s death . But at the same time this crush was getting bigger it became an obsession for me , even though we were not talking chatting calling , nothing. And my relationship was going worst . All I was doing was thinking about him and how he made me feel . After July , I didn’t see him much : once or twice in august and once on late September. Then I realized It was getting worst , for me it was something that made me feel alive appreciated and wanted in a period of my life where my bf didn’t make me feel this way and I was feeling dead inside . ( unfortunately I have some trust issues because of my bf because he didn’t behave well during our relationship, he never cheated on me , but he disrespected me so many times that he made me feel so insecure ,unwanted , unworthy .I also spent the whole first quarantine 3 months with him and his family , and they were really toxic to me . Reminding me that I was the lucky one that got with him , I was his shade , I was not pretty as I “ the girl for him” should be , really poisonous.. anyways I got out with some several trust issues with myself and with the world because of his family .. ) Meanwhile I went back to my mom’s house in October because they had to do some renovations at the apt with my bf. Me and my bf we were talking about taking a break because we were both realising that somethings weren’t really working well anymore . But we didn’t take it because we had his birthday (15th October)and then my birthday (4th November ) after it to celebrate, and we wanted to celebrate them together . The waiter sent me happy birthday, I was (wrongly) excited about that , I was definitely into him . More confused , I didn’t know what to do anymore . I knew I had to tell my bf something about it but I didn’t have the courage . I was wishing to not feel what I was feeling . I was wishing to feel that way with my bf again , but it wasn’t happening .. the last time we had some intimacy was in September.. Anyways , it happened that a few days ago I decided to go out with 2 friends of mine and i randomly meet him in a speakeasy.. We decided to drink together something , we spoke a lot . Then he invited me to continue our drinking at his , I accepted.. he kissed me I couldn’t stop him because I liked him and we ended up in bed.. After that I felt horrible , I went home with this guilt in my stomach . I couldn’t speak to my bf . I saw him after 2 days . I told him that I was needing urgently a break and he was okay with it . He definitely felt that something bad has happened. While I was taking some of my stuff at his place , i slept there that night and we made love .. I wanted to die inside , I was feeling sick because I realized the s****y thing I did to him . Next morning which it was yesterday , while I was taking a shower he saw my phone and his texts . I couldn’t lie anymore , I told him everything. Of course he broke up with me immediately and now he doesn’t wanna see me anymore , he hates me. It’s a cliche I know , but I would like him to forgive me and give us a second chance. I feel really bad for what I did but it made me realise what I do want and what I don’t want . I might seem hypocritical, but I think that sometimes in life you don’t understand the risk/mistake of an action your about to make until you make it . Please do not judge me or offend me , what should I do know ? Never did something like this before.. any advice/ support ? 🙏🏼😔

Hi everybody. Great to meet you all 🙌

Hiya everyone! It's nice to meet you all! xoxo

I think my partners done with our relationship and he doesn't even want me at home anymore... I don't know what to do...

So this is gonna be a lot to unpack especially all at once so brace yourselves before reading. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and we’ve been having issues for a while where we may break up. Firstly, we do love each other very much and it wouldn't necessarily be like from something "bad." For a long time, we've been struggling connecting with one another and finding common ground/interests, but as time passes, it seems to only get worse and he's honestly changed a lot in just the past several months to year I personally feel like. And neither of us want to break up. We've both genuinely tried and tried numerous times to reconnect, to make it work, to try new things the other likes, but it's just difficult because we really are very different people and it doesn't work for him and in turn I struggle too. Breaking up would hurt both of us regardless and we both want to avoid it at all costs, but he has already expressed he doesn’t have hope that things will change and I genuinely feel like at the very least a part of him has given up. And personally, I think I'm at a point where I'm slowly starting to feel that way too. I genuinely tried again very recently to try things he enjoyed like a show he's been obsessed with, music he likes, etc. but I know it's not enough and he wants/needs more, but I just don't know what else to do. But besides that, he wants to travel the world, but actually live in different countries for varying periods of time and he knows as long as my (immediate) family is still alive, I don’t want to do that. Plus, he's already decided he would just basically be living out of a car, traveling being a "homeless deadbeat" (his words). And he would rather do that while he's young bc he doesn’t have the greatest health and he's the type of person where he wants to live in the present as much as possible bc all he knows is that today could be his last day (I kept saying what about after retirement, but that was his counterargument). And we both want what's best for each other and what would make each other happy/happier in the end. And we both have already said that neither of us regret the decisions we made nor the four years we spent together. We have admitted though that sometimes we do regret not breaking up sooner or something like that so that it wouldn’t hurt either of us as bad when/if our relationship does officially come to an end. But at the same, we don't regret changing anything because we have made plenty of good memories even up to the present. And it's possible if we were to break up, we may still remain friends. Honestly, I think the hardest part would be being alone. And not just like emotionally or relationship-wise, but physically/literally in the sense that I would be in a house just myself and my cat, no parents, no one else unless someone else moved in with me like some sort of roommate or if I moved out with someone else. And regardless of whether he and I stay together or not, the other day, he literally gave an ultimatum that he would stay in this house with me one more semester, but after that, he would leave whether it'd be him going back home or whatever (but that’s also mainly just because he doesn’t like it here in the area I live in). He did say if he and I were still together, I could go with him if I wanted, but not if we did break up. Some days/moments are just really rough and I just feel so defeated and try my best to hide it and distract myself in public. Literally the other night, he went to the bedroom and I stayed out in the living room and I just was thinking about the state of our relationship and started crying. (I also cried while writing this. I just hide and push back showing emotion in front of basically anyone (except him when we're like actively in a discussion/argument)). And then other days, when everything just seems fine and we do more stuff together and we're like enjoying ourselves more than usual, I feel as though I try to forget that we do have other issues as well that don’t agree with each other and become in denial (like the whole traveling living situation and also that he and my family don’t really have a lot in common either nor do they seem to get along very well). And the good days make the bad days even harder because I start to feel like everything is fine and we're gonna be ok. It's also hard because how do you even imagine the thought of your boyfriend of 4 years that you thought you would be with forever are on the verge of breaking up. I feel like if I were to tell anyone in my family, it would be my dad, but I feel like if I told anyone else, they wouldn’t really understand and would probably think its wrong we're living together still and stuff like that. I do also hate it though because I feel like I’d be lying to everyone and it’s hard to pretend everything is fine and perfect when it’s not.

Now that I’m newly single I’m just figuring out my next step and what to do next

Hi! Nice to meet everyone here

Need some advice. Not sure it’ll help but worth a shot.

So my boyfriend told me tonight that we need to talk tomorrow when we see each other and I asked him what about and he said tomorrow and than good night babe now I’m gonna be worried all night and tomorrow til I have to see him. :(

I filed for divorce and moved out two years ago, but my divorce still isn't final. My husband won't negotiate dividing up our assets and has been delaying things in the divorce. We have a divorce trial date set for Dec 6 but today I found out we might not get through everything on the 6th and we have an additional court date next March (unless we actually get everything done on the first trial date). I'm so embarrassed and frustrated about the whole divorce process. My husband emotionally and financially abused me and I just want to be free of him and I want this to be over. We're spending a TON of money on lawyers, basically over nothing and both of us are going to end up with a lot less money because he won't just settle. We started doing mediation right after I filed, but then he emptied the bank account and got a lawyer, so I had to get a lawyer too. I'm hoping someone can offer me some advice or maybe just some sympathy.

Hello everyone! I’m excited to be here and to get to know you !

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years now, I have really bad anxiety and basically what I’d call “ptsd” of what I grew up watching, my dad being a liar, cheating on my mom, all this all that, my boyfriend is AMAZING to me, no doubt, in the beginning I’d get nervous he wasn’t loyal, but he’s proven over time he would do anything to show me he’s loyal, but now my worries are “what if he doesn’t love me that much, what if he doesn’t wanna be with me that long, what if he’s getting tired of me” he’s nothing but amazing to me and I’m consistently worrying about losing him or being hurt by him or being let down, and I just don’t know how to stop it. It’s just the best thing I’ve ever been in and I would 100% spend the rest of my life with this man.

having issues w my boyfriend, (of 3 years) he has said he’s committed to working on them. That he wants to be a better partner and man I can trust and feel confident to be with. This past weekend he asked if I’d want to go to his aunts bday party and the next night we went on a double date with his cousin and girlfriend. But sometimes he can be so hot and cold. He always says the “perfect” things I feel heard and understood. then his actions confuse me he’ll backtrack and play clueless when I mention it. I’m honestly at a point where I don’t want to mention it anymore. I don’t want to “train” a man. fast forward to this week…it’s the holiday I was supposed to drive down to NC but my family said it was to long of a drive that, to just fly down in a few weeks. So I let him know. Tuesday night he calls me and tells me his mom had called to ask about me and my daughter how we’re doing etc. then I’m like Oo so what are you doing for Thanksgiving? He says his aunts house… (another aunt whose home I’ve been to for the holidays before). I say Oo ok. He’s like so you really not going? I say no, I don’t have plans since everyone is so far. He goes “ooo that’s a toughy…. you like silence anyways” I say huh? it was just so weird, it’s something where why be so insensitive to me saying I’m gonna be alone for the holiday? Also next time I see his family they are the type to ask me why I didn’t come? I’m so confused. I told him I had to go and ended the phone call. He made a face where I can tell he knew something was wrong. yesterday instead of saying good morning or anything like he usually does, he sent me a bunch of relationship memes. Then he called me (I didn’t answer) and then he called me again last night. ( I didn’t answer) I don’t k no what to do. I feel like I’m not gonna tell him he should’ve invited me, he didn’t invite me cause he didn’t wNt to. Should I call him back? He’s just gonna play clueless and act like there's no issue which is why I did not answer yesterday

Why call your ex to wish them a happy thanksgiving when you are in a relationship?

So lately I’ve been thinking about this new chapter of my life of being single looks like. I just know I deserve better than my last relationship. But finding it hard to find a good guy I could see myself with

I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and my period’s 6 days late so it might just be the disorder talking, (a symptom is irritability) but I can’t stand my fiancé. I need advice on this. He goes out drinking with friends (we’re long distance, so I’m never there) till 3 AM. It was commonplace a year ago until I told him that if it were me going out getting drunk at bars with friends like he does he’d be livid, so he said he’d manage it. Still isn’t doing it. He boldfaced lied to me a couple days ago and said he got home at midnight when I knew he didn’t. He got home at 5 AM. It’s fucking draining. And I trust him, btw, I just want equal expectations for the both of us. I’m not the type to go out drinking like that, but if I were he’d break up with me. I trust him, so for the most part I don’t care, but the awareness of it not being equal makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think he trusts me. And today, he went out again and turned off his phone so I won’t know what time he gets home. He’ll turn on his phone tomorrow morning and say that isn’t the case but come on. His phones been off for four hours plus, and it’s almost 2 AM (his time). Of course he’d turn off his phone to conceal the fact that he’s getting home extremely late. I just cannot and will not move in with and be with someone for the rest of my life who’s doing this. Who’s blatantly lying, concealing info and refusing to just meet basic standards.

Is mindfulness difficult to learn? Mindfulness helps you feel more in control of thoughts and emotions so you don’t feel out of control. You have to slow down and notice, without judgment. Mindfulness isn't complicated – but it can be challenging. You can get started in an hour Join us at Joyful Living at 9 am central on Monday (11/28) a we take on some of the most frequently asked questions about Mindfulness.

Howdy! I’m new to this community. Nice to meet you all 😎

What really bugs me and gets under my skin are those people that say: “Oh, you just need to trust them/ you need to trust me.” “If you feel that you don’t trust them then don’t be with them.” “If you wanna look through their phone, you should break up with them.” “It’s toxic and unhealthy to be so distrusting. ” “You have to fix yourself.” “Boundaries and privacy are so important to relationships.” Like, Helloooo, where are the people that have gone through hell to discover the true nature of people? Where are the people that get it? The people that have ptd, anxiety, and other mental health issues because they’ve actually caught everyone they’ve ever known lying, cheating and being disloyal behind their back or behind the back of others they’ve known? The people that understand why we are the way we are? The people that don’t fault us but instead, accommodate to our nature? Why must we be the ones coined as paranoid, or wrong in some way? I don’t think we are wrong! In fact, I think those that trust blindly are naive, ignorant, and not realists. They are the ones that preach “being a healthy partner” because they haven’t actually been through anything like we have to open their eyes to the nature of deceitfulness that everyone is capable of. Or they are simply in denial because they cannot handle the truth. Why is is so hard to find people that just go, “ya know what, totally get it. Wonder, poke around, ask questions, search through whatever you want whenever you want. Do whatever you have to in order to feel safe. Do whatever you have to in order to make sure that I am someone safe to be with, that there are actually people who can restore your faith. I am secure that I am not lying to you and I can tell you to trust me a million times, but if you need to do this for your own piece of mind, then do it, because I am not going anywhere.” Does anyone get it? 😔

How much should I be concerned with his last relationship? He says the ex is gone, but she has been calling and begging him back for seven months now. It scares me that he will go back to her. He gave her so much more than he has me - she’s been making public on social media some of their private moments and conversations, so I’ve seen things I wish I didn’t. I’ve known him years longer, it was a choice between me and her, and he chose her initially, but now he’s with me. Her constant messages and calls are making me paranoid, triggering my anxiety and making me compare myself to her, and how he was with her. I don’t know if I’m seeing red flags if whether I’m just being anxious thanks to the details of their relationship coming out. It’s 1:30am and my brain is spinning with thoughts and images

First of all, have confidence in yourself! She maybe trying to get upset and paranoid, in your words, and she is successding, You are letting her win. When you have the confidence within yourself, it will show. And if he does decide to go back with her, then he wasn't really ready to move on from her. Please don't sell yourself short. You Are not second best to anyone!

Hi all! Been a long time since I’ve been here. Hope you’re all well! I need some unbiased intelligent wisdom please 🙏 My gf and I have been together 2 years. EVERYTHING was great… until she turned 34, got a new higher paid job & is constantly stressed and under pressure. All of this has spilled into our relationship, however, I still considered her ‘the one’ until… She said during conversation that she often wonders if we’re right for one another. She asks me what Im actually bringing to the relationship & has also said that being with me is a compromise. It’s also become an issue because I have children from a previous relationship so don’t have as much disposable income or holiday allowance free as her. That’s straining our ability to go places. She always wants to go places, restaurants, hotels, trips away etc. which I love, but physically can’t afford to keep up with. She will often then gas light me and tell me she’s joking or I’ve misunderstood. As an ex-police officer, I have no issue taking statements & have kept a written record of these word for word things. I feel like I’m going mad and I don’t know what to do. Please can anyone offer some advice? ❤️

I met this girl last week and we’ve been talking now and again but scared she doesn’t want to meet again and just let her message me and am scared every time she message she wants to leave me

Hello is there anyone who can give me advice ?

Well hello again people.. I'm back,, been dealin wiv alot... Anyone needs too chat I'm here fo ya..

Hi everyone, I’m hoping someone can help me just now, I have nervous butterflies as my boyfriend seems to be in a mood and when I asked him what’s wrong a couple times as he wasn’t telling me and he said “if you keep asking me I will be off with you” and it’s just making me nervous because I don’t like when he’s feeling down and he won’t open up to me about what’s up? I don’t really need advice about him just advice about how to deal with my anxiety right now as the butterflies are making me feel sick and I’m overthinking too much, it’s probably not even a big deal but my mind likes to make things bigger than what they actually are 🙄

Hey Carly, my husband and I are the same as your bf. Neither one of us will tell each other when something is wrong. With me, I've been having to deal with my depression on my own, and I know just how to deal with it. As for my husband, he didn't have anyone to lean on either, so he had learned to turn his emotions off. But as a team we are learning how to lean on each other. I don't know how long you've been together, but I have a feeling it's been awhile. So my advice to you is, just stop asking, relax, and just let him go through it. And reassure him that you are there When he is ready.

Hey everyone. I wanted to just remind all of you that your Wisdo Team has put together a fantastic Holiday callendar of events for the month of Dec. Go to the Wellbeing Sessions for the full set of dates and times. You dont want to miss out on the chance to zoom with the family across the world. If you have any questions be sure to ask

Anybody have poly advice?

Where would I go to get some more discreet advice ?

Does nobody really give advice on here anymore ? Where did they go ?

Hi! Nice to meet everyone here, im here if anybody want to talk to somebody

I’ve been chatting with their girl online for about 8-9 months. We’ve never met in person and she won’t give me any of her contact info. Keeps saying she needs more time. Finding out she doesn’t trust me. Just from her previous experiences. Is this a red flag and I should move on?