Relationship Advice

Thread

Elisa

I’m 20 years old and I’ve never had a serious relationship. When I start talking to someone, I think I come off way too strong or something and I scare people off. I’ve also noticed that people who do try to take me on dates just want sex or are twice my age with kids. I just want to be able to have someone there for me. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or what. But I’m really friendly and fun to be around so... anyone have any advice for me?

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88 Replies
Pete

All my relationships was less than a year until I decided to stop hunting for a boyfriend and be more casual about it, going on dates having fun and taking things like if it happens it happens, if it don’t then it don’t. Now I’m happy in a relationship for nearly 3 years, we’re planning our future etc. So just take your time and enjoy life, the right guy will come along when you least expect him to.

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Amelia

Yes! Agreed! Have fun going on casual dates.

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Emily

Gotta kiss a few frog before finding your prince sweetie

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Olivia

You will meet that person. I’m struggling too but just do you and someone will fall into your lap when the time is right

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Harry

I feel like my heart is broken into a 100 pieces 😔 rumour is my best friend has slept with my boyfriend who I’m pregnant with. He denies it and admits to talking to her over Facebook and that’s it. I fell out with her after having a fight with her because I wouldn’t leave my boyfriend for her and we never spoke again I can’t contact her I am blocked on everything I’ve tried calling her she won’t pick up. Last night I found a piece of paper in our house with her number on I lost my shit and I’m so heart broken I can’t live with this I already have two children from a previous relationship and their dad isn’t involved. I feel like my life is over 😔 I want to run away from the pain I’m feeling.

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George

omg you sound like a really sweet person don’t talk about running away from the pain bc “running away” makes matters worse i’ve been in a similar situation, i understand what it’s like to be pregnant with ones child and have an issue of “infidelity”. Try to relax. If your boyfriend is doing things with your “best friend” and she can’t even tell you about it, forget her. She’s not relevant she’s non existent, also if you strongly believe that your boyfriend is sleeping with your friend then forget him too, the only thing you should really focus on is that baby you have on the way and your self and your kids i know how you feel 100 percent but i promise you, everything will be okay and if all fails focus on you and the unborn baby and your kids because that should be all that matters don’t think about your “friend” or “boyfriend” because i’m the end when everybody does it will just be you and you don’t wanna be left with this feeling that you have to give everything to someone to forgive them or believe them because you don’t have to. Just stay with yourself take some time for your self ❤️

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Noah

That’s amazing

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Jacob

Thanks for sharing Cassidy. Sometimes I think the problem is me too. I feel the same way. You have so many years ahead of you. I am already in my 40’s and do not have a lot of time left. I’m not going to look as attractive as when I was younger. The click is ticking for me. I’m so discouraged and frustrated! I already feel it’s over for me. I’ve never been married and have no children.I think it’s already too late for me. 💔😞🥺 But what you shared makes me feel that I’m not alone in this situation. Weather young or older, I think there is something wrong with our society. No values, no loyalty, no integrity. People don’t care about love and respect anymore. They have enough with sex and moving in to the next. That yo me is so shallow and empty. Someday we will be old. I would like to build a history with a person. I can grow old with.

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Mia

I feel the same way that you do. I’m 25, never had a serious girlfriend or been married. Love will happen when you least expect it, with a person that truly appreciates you and your values. My aunt and uncle both had dated numerous people over the years. All of their relationships just seemed to fail. Both of them had almost given up on finding love. They both signed up for online dating at the same time and met on Match.com. They connected very quickly and are madly in love with each other. They recently got married and are both in their early 50s. I am patient and hopeful that love will come into my life soon. You should feel the same way because you deserve it, regardless of age ❤️

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Lily

It’s happened to me a lot . I’ve even gone on dates and my date didn’t show up . I always thought it was me and in some ways it was me because my negative thoughts got the best of but mostly it’s just those people aren’t meant to be in your life that’s why they don’t enter you’re life long term or at all . Think of it in a good way these people are just bad weeds in a lawn they’re being ripped out of your life for your wellbeing.Don’t be discouraged love will come your way and I’m talking about the good one . So hang in there

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Marco

Does everyone who gets their heart broken download Wisdo

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Salima

Have you considered not looking at all? Is it possible that working on any issues you yourself may have, pursuing hobbies, interests, job and just having friends may make you seem the complete package to the right person? I suspect that rightly or wrongly, men may respect you far more and view you as ling-term girlfriend material, if you appear, and in fact genuinely do not need them. I speak as a guy. But what do you think, Cassidy?

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Amir

So, there’s this boy that I’ve been in love with for forever. And our families have been friends for years— and i think he’s always had a soft spot for me but I doubt he ever felt as strongly as I have about it. So we hadn’t talked in awhile and out of nowhere he starts DM’ing me and like being really flirty and saying nice things n shit and so I get really excited. Anyway, he came home for thanksgiving break and the night he came home he had me come n hangout with him (which we’ve never done before) and well—- we ended up hooking up. Which I was super excited about— except I just found out that he broke up with his girlfriends like 3 days before. AND he hasn’t asked me to hangout since, so I feel like he just used me to get his dick wet over the holiday weekend to help him forget about his girlfriend. And tbh I’m kinda crushed. Like I didnt think he would use me like that considering our friendship etc, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that’s what he did. Ugh I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have had sex cause now he’s uninterested since he got what he wanted. Like fr I’m def in a depressive spiral because of this.

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Olivia

I’ve made that mistake so many times thinking guys like me and then don’t talk to you after sex

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Simone

Don’t worry about finding a guy right now have fun being 20 when the time comes and the right guy is around then everything will seem perfect

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Louis

What do you normally like to do? Maybe you can meet someone through one of your hobbies or something. But take it slow and see what they are like.

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Elisa

I like to paint and play music for fun! I will definitely take your advice. I never thought of that.

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Zahra

You have to start a relationship slow and stay positive be confident cause if you push to quickly then what happens is the people get scared think do I really wanna be with her cause already she is to much and what would happen in life. So best way is to be yourself never change for anyone and I’m sure you find someone, just take it easy go with the fun that will make other person think you are fun to be around and he wanna be with you. Hope that helped you✌️

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Zahra

Yes most of guys use girls for sex and in that case don’t late that happen for a while and the best relationship is when you be came friend with someone first then while you being friends you get to know the trust intention of the guy and then make a discussion where you wanna be with him or just wanna keep him as your friend.

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Kamal

Why do I get friend zoned so much??

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Zahra

To be in a good relationship needs a lot of passion and we all makes mistakes along the way no matter is relationship or something els so be the best way is that think about what have you done wrong that scary someone off and things didn’t work out in that case you can change few things you think is maybe the effects of the problem so you can working on it and believe you are to young 20 shouldn’t be stressing about it loves comes in an expect it way so just be happy stay positive live your life happy✌️hope that help

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Nailah

Worry about starting your life instead of boys. You’re 20 lol. And why are you going on dates with ppl twice your age

Elisa

I don’t go on dates with them, but they ask me out.

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Carmen

I have the same problem when I think I’ve found the right guy in the end I realize they’re just using me for sex and lead me saying That they want something serious with me but that’s not the case

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Carlos

Hi and nice to meet you...I’m twice your age and I don’t have any kids even if I had two serious relationships in my life of 6 years each...My last relationship finished in March and my Italian girlfriend after 4 years abroad together, she decided to come back in Italy. So we split and I decided to stay abroad. Probably the problem is not about the people, I think that this period is wrong. For some weird reason the people they don’t want any kind of responsibility that is why they ask to you sex...because it’s easier and there isn’t any pain...

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Miguel

Exactly! This is my issue too, I wanna be in a serious relationship but this generation just wants sex. Instant gratification, and I think social media is to blame. They don't wanna invest themselves and risk a chance of heartbreak. and that's why we (saying we because it's my generation but it excludes me haha) over use the word love, and it's lost its meaning, so one day when we actually do feel love, it's terrifying and foreign because it's. Lol sry for the rant.

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Mia

Hi Cassidy, You are not alone because I am going through the same thing you are. I am 25 and never had a girlfriend. I have been on a few dates but they never develop into anything. I am a super kind person with a mature personality for my age. When I get rejected or I’m feeling down, I focus on my hobbies and spend time with family members that make me feel positive. You are not doing anything wrong & the right people will appreciate you for who you are on the inside. Maybe these negative experiences are telling you that there is a great relationship on the way or a new special person is about to come into your life. If you need to talk I’m here for you!

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Elena

There is this guy who said he was crazy about me after we had sex

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Noah

Not everyone is going to be confident about sex though :( but that’s wasssup lol

Jacob

Haha... what about the people that are not 20? Lol Im double Cassidy’s age lol

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Jin

I think it’s better to take your time than to fall into the space of dating out of loneliness. You clearly see your value as a woman and that isn’t something that you’re going to waste. Building a genuine relationship with someone requires so much of your time, your vulnerability, literally your whole life. Being 40 maybe makes starting a relationship feel daunting but I’d say you’re probably the perfect age to actually build that! You’ve likely taken so much of your life experience, weeded out what you don’t need in your life and cultivated yourself and your independence. You’ve likely learned that there is no time for shallow and meaningless interactions or people who are going to make your life harder; I’d say you’re more ready for it than ever. Age is only a number, and not everyone who gets married at 25 is truly happy. Never give up on yourself or compromise who you are for someone that doesn’t see it. My guess is that love you’re searching for is right around the corner.

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Yuan

Rule #1 - No compromise on your character. No one should have to adapt who they are to get who they think they need. If you come across strong, then that’s not a negative thing, it is part of who you are. There are people out there who can deal with such intensity and others who are scared of it. Continue with life without caring what other people think of you. Your social circle may change, but it will be for the better as people who admire you will come closer. 1 step to the next 😊

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Marco

I I guess the partner that puts in all the love from heart ends up getting their heart broken

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Ming

You are really young and still have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on living your life. From your day to day activities I am sure that you will meet someone. When that happens you just have to be a bit more cautious and get to know them before you commit. Wish you all the best. If you need a shoulder, just holler.

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Sophie

I would be completely honest with them.. tell them what you’re looking for/wanting 🤷🏻‍♀️ if it doesn’t work for one dude, NEXT! 😂 hope that helps, love

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Lillian

Same but I’m 25. I know why I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m far & ugly. No one wants a me.

Elisa

I'm sure you are not fat and ugly :( x

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Amelia

I get where you are. Looking back 10 yrs ago I thought I'd never be in a serious relationship. I wish I would have waited around. The guy I had a 5 yr relationship at the end started lying and cheating. I was of course fully in and loved him whole hearted! 110%. Now I've started meeting sincere guys with their life together. Some are virgins too. Again looking back. I wish I would have waited and loved myself as much as I loved him. I wish I would have done my own life and found peace and acceptance on my own without someone telling me.

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Pete

Be the them you want them to be. Do for yourself what you want them to do for you, I am 20 too and my bf is 31. Alot of the times, guys around our age don’t want anything serious right now. The best and only way it may happen is to look for friendship first and maybe, hopefully that can turn into something more butTBH the best advice I can give is to work, work, work on yourself and to follow all of your dreams and everything else that doesn’t involve a man right now. Because we can loose alot of out youth chasing love.

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Amelia

I’ve felt this way before. I have met a few guys who only wanted sex and when I told them I want to remain a virgin til I’m married they “got scared.” I’m also 20 and I know plenty of people in college who are virgins (like myself), never kissed a guy, never been on a date, or had a relationship. I know it’s easier said than done, cause I’m guilty of this as well, but know that there is no time line to life. Things happen when they do. I hope this helps!

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Ming

Like the saying goes, Good things come to those who wait. Never be too eager to grow up. Everything will happen when it happens. Just live your life. Before you know it you will be in your 40s and wonder where your life went. The grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe wishing to go back when life was more simpler.

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Emily

I wouldn’t say it’s you. I’m 24 and have been with the same girl for 6 yrs. She’s always ready for that next step to where I start to panic about it. Females mature faster than Males, so naturally ladies are ready quicker than dudes. Not always but statically speaking. It’s a time thing with a dash of right place right time. Head up, Prince Charming will come when you don’t expect it.

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Emily

Also she is my first real relationship as I am hers, so you just never know.

Olivia

How long was your longest relationship? There’s nothing wrong with being friendly as long as you don’t come across as too flirty. Maybe try being more subdued until you start to get to know the other person better.

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Elisa

It was 5 months. But he was abusive. And I do everything to be nice, but not seem flirty. And I haven’t really gone on dates. I usually just meet people at parties or friend gatherings and just am nice to them.

Harry

I feel the same and then they say they just don’t want a relationship yet

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George

Omg I feel you! How do you handle the situation when someone tell you they don’t want relationship?

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Alfie

Hey! I’m 19 I being single for 6 years already never being in a relationship to be honest living your best life single is the best don’t rush to find a guy wait till the guy come to you I know guy only want girls for sex that happen to me it so sad but you will find the right guys I know guy these day want girls for sex disgusting things but to be honest from now on stay positive it ok to think about love that normal I also feel like having a boyfriend but at the same time I feel better single Take it easy life it too short you find a guy that is perfect for you my advice is you’re not wrong it take time love take time

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Noah

Concentrate on your future not guys

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Jacob

i wasn't even looking when i found the love of my life. we have been together a year and a half now and my life has significantly gotten better. but what i am trying to say is that the best part about my boyfriend and i was that we weren't even looking when we found each other. stop trying so hard! i promise you someone will come along who loves you for exactly who you are.

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Mia

My guy friend is looking for someone message me if you would like to chat to him

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Lily

I’m 22. I’m having alittle trouble with my dating life. I’m not really sure what to do. I feel like I’m coming on to strong but at the same time I feel like I’m not doing enough.

Marco

I'm not doing anything? My ex ruined everything for me

Carlos

Sorry for my English...maybe it’s not good enough...

Miguel

No I understood just fine

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Rosa

I’m sick and tired of the same thing, always searching for something real and never finding it. Stuck in an endless cycle of heartache, it never gets easier. Just once it would be great to meet someone who wants me as much as I want them. I’m done with making the effort and being made to feel like I’m not good enough. Especially these days when so many guys pride themselves on cheating and banging as many women as they can or having “side chicks” todays culture breeds assholes in both men and women and yet there’s people like us who just want to find someone, it’s a damn joke.

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Jin

20 is still so young. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with you at all, I’ll bet if anything you have enough maturity to wait for the right person and not settle for something that’s going to waste your time or energy. Don’t let the idea that because you’re 20 and no committed relationship that you’re doomed, and don’t settle if you feel lonely. You have a whole world ahead of you and things to do, you’ll find him and you’ll be happy that you didn’t waste your time on people who maybe wouldn’t be as serious about it as you.

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Marco

No such thing as real love guys

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Salima

Cassidy, you are still quite young. A studies show that majority of people below the age of 26, aren’t mentally or psychologically ready for a monogamous relationship. Go out and make friendships. Only have sex with those you’ve known at least 2-3 months talking daily, and don’t date seriously until you are ready and prepared for parenting. #mytwocents

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Amir

You’re still young Cassidy. There’s plenty of time for you to meet someone that you can be compatible with. Sounds like you’re a lovely young lady. Older men try and prey on the young. Don’t ever feel like there’s something wrong with you! Keep strong and enjoy your twenties xx

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Pete

From experience but GOOD LUCK and you will be a beautiful bride one day! Also try being celibate and letting it be known! It’s a whole new wolrd.

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Simone

I feel you just need to be calmer... and be yourself

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Louis

I thought I was the only person in your position

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Zahra

i think you’re completely right. dealing with the things we go through we tend to come one strong. just ease back a little and if you really like him a and he’s there for you when you need him then it will work out. but you will push him away unless he truly loves you. it’s not you at all it’s what you think and go through. people like us can tend to have times where we aren’t emotional ready for a relationship so it’s going to be hard for a little but just talk to him and know he loves you and he’s there for you and you can get through anything

Kamal

Cassidy, I had your same problem. And the worse thing I could do was worry to much about it. For years I just though that I was no good for anybody. One day I started to take better care of myself and set my mind to do something that I liked, and I was amazing for it. I started to learn how to play tennis. I joined tennis groups, I got myself in really good shape and I met amazing people. Love comes when you least expect it and it came to me at the perfect time. Be patience and try to focus yourself in a healthy hobby. Good luck ❤️

Nailah

I have that same problem

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Carmen

I’m in a similar spot as you being 23 without having had a relationship. My inability to have a relationship stems from difference in life experiences and being unable to connect with people based on these experiences. As for advice, there is a difference in opinion on “fake it till you make it” or risking being genuine and losing a relationship. I would go the genuine route.

Carlos

Cassidy your not doing anything wrong! I’m literally going through the same thing where only sex driven guys want me to date me or older men. You just have to push those people out and wait. Like waiting does suck and going through the rejects sucks to but you just gotta go through the trash to find the gem and you gotta be patient

Miguel

Well what I did was. I went to an online dating site where I can go to “keyword” and type in what I’m looking for so I typed in “medical student” “doctor” “and 4 selections came up and I messaged one guy, he was what I was looking for 4 years older and now he’s my husband. :) no more random dating :) welcome to the new world!

Elena

Has anyone ever given you the indication that you come on too strong? If not then don’t worry about that because it’s not you then. You’re doing everything you can and clearly the right people for you just aren’t coming along yet. But they will. Things like this sometimes just take a lot of time and patience but don’t give up

Jin

Hi Hope things are better for you now? Sounds like maybe you have been either trying too hard, not relaxing and being yourself or sadly meeting the wrong chaps. There are lots of nice men out there and a few good dating apps which might help you find the one ! Do hope things have got better for you.

Yuan

I advice for you not to care about these things, it’s not a completely necessary for you to find someone, if you do great if you don’t that’s great too. But if you really want to find someone take your time go out with people and stuff and maybe you’ll find the right person.

Nailah

And look I’m not really afraid of rejection because I see it as just them saying no and your going to be told no again so the best thing u can do is move on to the next person and maybe the next person will say yes because their is someone for everyone out their for u

Noah

It just takes time. Honestly the world spins in different ways. Some people doesn’t want love anymore because they have been hurt and it’s sad for them on both sides of the story. I suggest becoming alone for a little. And eventually a right person will come to you.

Ming

Don’t worry at all hun.. I’m nearly 30 and I’ve only had 2 relationships. Don’t put pressure on yourself hunny. You’re still so young and will have years to meet someone... also men tend to mature later than women so that could also be a factor xx

Sophie

Yeah because dates only for married people who had best relationship with each other. And friends with the opposite gender can't be continuing along without flirting. So it's best to have limit line that friends or strangers never cross it.

Lillian

First of all just be careful with who you talk to and hang around with because you can’t trust anyone now a days and the only thing you can fo is be yourself and just go out there and get yourself noticed yanno

Elisa

Society is not wa it use to be so when picking someone we need to pick patiently so you not doing nothing wrong you just coming across sad and shallow people but all the bad experience is all experience

Pete

Keep networking and put yourself out there . Don’t go fir older men with kids . You don’t want to be the step mum . U will want to be a mum one day and don’t need to concern of someone’s else kids

Amelia

I would say to talk to them like your friends . Get to know them as a friend . We all have had blokes/women like that trying it on . Just don’t try too hard and be yourself .

Emily

I’m in the same situation as you except I’m 19 and never kissed a girl in my life everyone says I’m funny and cute but that’s cause I’m short and girls only like tall guys 😔

Olivia

I feel u there isn’t nothing wrong with that at all I’ve been there I feel like uk what u want in. A relationship never settle for less when u know u deserve more!!!

Harry

Go out with a nice guy even if they aren’t your type. A guy that knows he is out of his league will do anything and everything to make you happy lol fact.

George

If you focus on yourself, your study/job you will meet like minded people that are looking for the same as you Cassidy

Alfie

Hi Cassidy! You are not the only one! However, be aware of what you choosing! Think why you choosing the one?

Noah

Just be yourself, coming on strong just means you actually mean what you say and someone will appreciate it

Jacob

It's just that you should stop worrying about it and let life take its course. It's surprisingly peaceful.

Mia

Try to hang out with people around your age or if you want to try going online to find someone to date

Lily

Just listen to your heart have fun, things will come right way. You are just 20 wait few years,

Marco

You ever need someone to talk to I’m here my ex physically hurt me and she mentally hurt me

Rosa

Just be yourself ... if someone likes you ., they will want to get to know you and wait.

Salima

i have been the same way cassidy spencer dont worry ur prince charming is out there !

Amir

youre not doing any wrong you just haven't met the right one yet

Salima

its like the more affection u show them the more they pull away

Simone

So Cassidy what are you looking for when yu see a man?

Louis

Hey I’m here for you if you want to talk 💛 inbox me

Zahra

Just do your and the right one will come

Elena

Can someone message me private pls

Kamal

I’ve been there Before too

Nailah

I’m here message me :)

Marco

My girl just dumped me

Carmen

I go to the gym too

Marco

Like after the add