So my fiancé and I have been together for almost 6 years. He used to be so gentle and kind, now he’s constantly getting angry or annoyed. I feel like more of a bother to him than a positive in this relationship. He almost never has joy or happiness when we’re together, and I consistently ask if he’s upset or angry (which makes him angry) because it’s that hard to tell with him, almost emotionless. When we’re with other people (like his friends) he is laughing and joking around and having a great time, but one on one it’s never like that. I just need advice on how to approach this situation because I’m the past when I have, it’s never gone well.
Omg, its crazy bc I’m literally going through the same thing with my bf & am so lost.. i just dont get it with these guys. I just wish my bf would open up & tell me how he truly feels instead of shutting me out.
guys don't like to express those sad or depressing feelings in front of others. they don't want to show their vulnerable just in case it's used against m them. it's simply how men are raised. showing them types of emotions are a weakness to them.
it's not y'all, it's them
How have the conversations gone when you’ve expressed to him that you’re concerned about how the tone of the relationship has become ?
It might be that he’s dealing with things he doesn’t want to talk about. So he’s coming irritated by the smallest things.
As a guy and being in the space everyone is describing, personally there were so many issues that I was dealing with the I let build up. Not an excuse but just providing facilitation guidance for a process. Overall bottom line these are the guy's issues, but a toolbox needs to be filled with the right tools to achieve a different future state. If you can encourage them into therapy or small group discussions it might help. Also encouraging guys to journal or focus the anger in a constructive way are two mechanisms. This book has been a huge help to me personally the past 2 months. https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Get-Mad-Positive/dp/1786784459/ref=asc_df_1786784459/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=509159807707&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14446023891632842225&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9006655&hvtargid=pla-1186551331099&psc=1
Ty for that recommendation; it looks like a great read!
I, unfortunately, don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know the answer. But I will say you should never ever judge how your bf is around friends or other people, with how he is around you. It’s all bullsh-t around other people. 50% of it is a front. With you, you’re getting the real deal him. For better or worse. Just wanted you to know that. He’s never gonna care about or take other people as seriously as he does you. It’s just not at all the same thing.
That’s a powerful insight Rob
He sounds almost like he could be depressed. Most people would describe me as bubbly, warm and fun, not only even when I’m depressed but ESPECIALLY when I’m depressed. (Unless it’s overwhelming and then well…) I try to be very open and honest with people but it’s still confusing for them. I’m joking and horsing around because I am trying to lift myself up. I’m trying to have some joy for a change. I’m desperate to have even a moments joy…. We usually have to wait until adulthood to begin to even understand how to talk about it. We are just not raised with the vocabulary
And on a btw to what @rob was saying, it is different when I’m alone with my dh, partly because it’s something that comes up for me that way mostly in groups. My dh can be extremely funny but comedy is really my job in the family
Hey, I think we’re similar. I use a sense of humor in everything I do. No matter how I’m feeling, the one thing that doesn’t change, is my sense of humor. What’s the point of it all if we can’t laugh, ya know? I can’t even imagine being around someone who’s serious all the time. Humor is what’s kept me alive during the hardest times. I always think about that movie Deadpool, where the bad guy is gonna torture Deadpool and he says “oh you’re a funny guy huh? The one thing that doesn’t last in a place like this is humor.” (Or something to that effect.) And Deadpool just says “Watch me.” Or something like that 😂