Struggling today! I have done so well, over the last couple of weeks. Today, i can feel this pulling, like my body’s trying to dragging me down. My moods, are all over the place. I really thought, I’d reach a place, where I was more in control and today there’s been no triggers. But, I feel this bad feeling coming in and panic. I’m so over this, I’m happy. No, I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m paranoid and then distraught. Rebuilding myself mentally over & over and then, not being in control. It’s draining! I’m hoping, that I will recover quickly and I won’t fall as hard. But, it scares me. I’m now, well aware of how this goes. Can the cycle be broken, with BPD or do I have to except the fact, my head can mess with me anytime it wants. I exercise, eat healthier. Talk about my feelings. Do everything, I can to move myself into the right directions.
I've been struggling with it lately too. I definitely relate to that draining feeling that goes along with it. It takes *so much* effort to do the things you need to do when BPD is involved. It can affect us physically because of the biochemistry of emotions and stress. How cortisol increases heart rate and inflammation, causing anxiety, digestive problems, heart stress, autoimmune flares and all kinds of other disruptions. Plus panic attacks and dissociation, not being able to focus on things because the tempest raging inside takes up 90% of your mental energy. Oh, and not being able to trust that we're understanding things as we would if we were not having a BPD episode... it all sucks. I don't know if this will help you at all, but I did start to make some headway with using dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT). It seems to be a good set of tools for me when I find my feels starting to overflow my emotions cup and screw with my sense of reality. I really needed that as a combo treatment along with like "life incident therapy" or "incident processing therapy" or something I'd consider to be along those lines. There just wasn't enough time to work on both in a one hour session. I don't have access to any of it right now either, so I'm winging it. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is another stream of treatment for folks with BPD, but I personally found it invalidating, so I don't value it. Apparently it works great for loads of people though, so I figured it was worth mentioning! The more skills we build to set ourselves up for success, the easier it will be in the future... I hope. I'm sorry you're struggling though. I'm sorry your feels are so big right now. I feel it too. I know other people are trying to get some stability in the face of BPD too. You've got lots of company for whatever that's worth to you. Also! People do figure out how to live with BPD. It is possible. There is hope! We can get there, we just have to figure out the steps that show us the path we want to be on.
The cycle can be broken!! I have seen and felt.
I also keep diagnosis secret. I’m bipolar so it’s easy.
Do you see therapist?
I feel you, sometimes I’m so drained I can’t be bothered to do all the ‘right’ things for a few days. But then I spiral into bad directions so I can’t win :(