The inner compulsion to constantly hurry because "I'm so far behind" "ill never catch up" "I'm so stupid im so slow i need to hurry" was the cause of 90% of my emotional suffering everyday. After the hurrying anxiety subsides then the depression comes and it feels genuine and I don't even feel that sad but I finally feel calm and that makes a huge difference. Depressed me goes to the gym and eats healthy and gets things done. And depressed me never feels the need to hurry because he doesn't care about anything, he just exists.
Hi there! I understand the patterns you've fallen into it. A lot of negative thinking going on. I 'm wondering how much of those thoughts could be challenged ? Have you ever tried workbooks in CBT ? if you can't afford a therapist it might be a start.